Three Boys, a Little Lady, and a Heavenly Baby

Not Me Monday

2009-07-26T21:29:00.002-04:00

1. After the waiter brought out the Guacamole Live,he noticed that we had not been asked for our orders for drinks. So he asked if we needed a drink. I did not say, "Yes, that would be nice and please bring them out before the dessert. Nope not me.
2. I did not look at a dishwasher full of clean dishes and decide why not add three glasses and run it again?
3.I did not rush my husband and two boys with their cousin out the door for their weekend of camping. nope.
4. It would be funny to think that as I was holding a platter from a recipe party and needed to pick up the keys from the floor that it would be an impossible task to get up. Not me. It wouldn't have been funny either.
5. I would never think about throwing out my husbands bright orange Crocs. Not me. Just. can't. find. them.

updates, updates, updates...

2009-07-25T22:46:00.002-04:00

Well, when you've been gone from blogging for as long as I have, it is so hard to decide what to write. So, I'll just update you about each of us. Then, hopefully, we'll be ready to go. I am doing well throughout this pregnancy. Our little man is quite active which reassures me constantly of the life that we've been given. I thank God that he moves so much. I've hardly had any reason to panic or worry. We are coming up on the week that we lost Drew which does make me a bit nervous. We miss him so much. My life will never be the same. The hurt and the sadness will always be there, but we do have hope. We have picked a special name for our next baby. We wanted a name that would honor the life of Drew. I'll put it on here as soon as we have the middle name set. We've gone back and forth on this. I will be induced at 37 weeks which is about 7 weeks from now. It would be a huge understatement to say that I am so excited that I can hardly stand it. I've learned to cherish life and it never gets old. I am blessed.

We have had such a busy summer. We were able to go to Nebraska to visit my Mom for a week or so. It was a road trip... but lots of fun. The kids had such a great time on the farm. Then, we were able to go the mountains to visit with Jeff's family for a few days. We were able to stay in a cabin (that's my way of camping!ha) and enjoyed the cool weather. Then, my sister, Holly, who had moved to Miami, brought her crew here for a three week visit. Holly and her husband Chris took off for Peru in the middle of the trip and left their little ones to stay here with me and my sister Katie. The cousins are enjoying their time together.

Our third child, Sam, will be having surgery next week. We always dread his surgeries which have been much to frequent for us. He will just be getting a few minor procedures done though.
Speaking of Sam, he brings us so much joy. We were devastated to find out that he would be born with a cleft and then later to find out that there would be other issues as well. But our Sammy has taught us so much and is the happiest child you would ever meet. I am reminded every day to be content in my circumstances through Sam. I want to be like him when I grow up. :)

This is all I can think of for now...but will be back to blogging. :)

Author's Day

2009-06-04T22:23:00.005-04:00

This one is for the grandparents. Susanna and Luke's school had an Author's Day recently. It was so neat to see their stories that they had written. Susanna's story was selected to be acted out by the Charlotte Children's Theatre. We knew that they would be doing it but had no idea which of her stories that they had chosen. You'll love the title! She loves to write and carries a notebook with her all of the time. I love to see her get her confidence boosted in something that she really enjoys. Here it is:

Susanna saved her Daddy from embarassment when she said that it wasn't a true story. I think it just might have been. Oh,and no, that is not Jeff playing himself. Ha!

Brotherly Love

2009-05-18T23:53:00.003-04:00

Yes, Sam and Eli absolutely love each other. They are the best of friends. But, they have had their moments.

Here's the untold story:

Yes, Sam received a shiner from Eli. They were fighting over a toy and Eli slung it in the air. Guess where it landed? You got it! Boys, I tell you. I don't know who was more upset about it. Sam, Eli, or Luke? They were all crying. Sam was crying because it hurt, Eli was crying because he was in trouble, and Luke was crying because he hated to see Sam hurt. They really do love each other, I promise!

I love a man in a uniform!

2009-05-18T23:22:00.004-04:00

This is my little slugger, Luke. He has been playing t-ball for the first time. He is so cute playing ball. I think his favorite part is the drinks and snacks afterwards. The coach always gives out a game ball to a player that did really well during that particular game. Luke always thinks he's going to get it.

And...

He got it a couple of games ago. He was so proud to get it!

We're having a...

2009-05-18T23:04:00.006-04:00

We think??? After several scans, she was still not sure. Our little one would not cooperate. The sonographer did get one quick glance and was pretty sure that it was a boy. She would like me to stop by at my next visit just to make sure. I asked her how confident she was, and she said about 95 percent. So, I'm going with it but am still a little hesitant to start buying blue. Yes, we gave away all of the clothes that we had for Drew. We knew it would be too hard to keep the ones we had picked out for him as well as the ones he was getting from his brothers. Anyways, I am very excited about buying a few new things. After caring for four babies, I know exactly what I like. Anything that is soft!:) No collars for this baby! We are going to unashamedly be spoiling him rotten. We are so thrilled about this precious new life and cannot wait to be able to hold him in our arms.

A song you shoud hear...

2009-04-05T12:12:00.006-04:00

Have you ever just hit a wall and felt the need to hear from God? You know, a fresh word, a comforting touch, something that reminds you of His love for you? This morning as I lay in bed, I knew that I would not be going to church because my youngest son's allergies had caused his eyes to swell shut. I wanted to hear from God. I needed to hear from Him. Jeff was on the computer which is in our room. I asked him to look up a song for me. I told him that I had no idea what it was about but that I had heard of the title through a friend's facebook status. It was by Mandisa, one of the American idol finalists who never shyed away from her faith. I hope this song blesses all of you who are hurting, who have lost precious loved ones, just as it blessed me this morning. Jeff and I were not prepared for the tears that began to flow from both of us after hearing it and then learning who she wrote it for. Here it is:http://www.lala.com/song/576742274785020115

It is called "You Wouldn't Cry..." or "Andrew's Song". Yes, isn't that amazing! But what's even more amazing is that she wrote it for a woman who lost her baby Andrew who was stillborn. She had said that she wanted to find a song that would be from Andrew's perspective and couldn't find one. So, she wrote her own. It's not just Andrew's song, it's the song of all our loved ones who have gone on before us to meet our Saviour. I hope that it encourages you, comforts you, and reminds you as it did for me today. I was just blown away this morning as I had no idea what this song was about.

Announcing...

2009-02-09T16:28:00.007-05:00

Jeff and I are expecting our 6th baby. We must have found out very early because we are not as far along as we had first believed. We are not able to hold in our excitement and I cannot wait to tell you a few more details about this baby. But that is a very long post. Will you join us in lifting up this baby in prayer? We will never ever be able to replace Andrew and the news of this pregnancy does not take away any of the hurt and longing for him. But, we are incredibly excited. It absolutely never gets old. The expectancy of a new baby is by far one of the most exciting things that could happen. So, I'm showing and it's time to get some new maternity clothes. How about this one?

Snow Day

2009-02-05T20:39:00.001-05:00

Eli

Sam

Susanna, Eli, and Luke

On my mind...

2009-01-26T20:31:00.005-05:00

Something I'm learning...Don't ever use the excuse of being real or being relevant as a reason to not be holy. The Lord commands us to be holy because He is. We are to be imitators of Him and not of this world. I'm guilty of this. So many times, I will share with a friend or family member something I may be struggling with. Not for the purpose of repenting and changing. I just share it so they can tell me that they struggle with it also. I then give myself a little pat on the back for being real and I feel much better about myself. I think to myself, See, everyone struggles with it, even other GOOD Christians. We do this all of the time. Sometimes it's a TV show, our marriages, how we raise our children. We just compare ourselves to our friends, our pastors, our family. And it reassures us of our standing with God. This can be very dangerous. Soon, we look just like those around us but hardly resemble Jesus at all.

I Peter 1:15,16- "But as He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, be ye holy; for I am holy."

Something that's bothering me... I don't understand why everyone keeps saying how proud they are of our country for electing President Obama. I don't get it. Yes, we can say that racial barriers have been broken. I don't care if our President is red, yellow, black, or white...if He acknowledges Jesus as His Lord and seeks to serve Him, then I would be excited. We now have a president who will most likely separate our country more than ever. This time it will not be a racial separation, but a religious one. He has already signed multiple bills that will affect everyone all across the land. Why did he find it most important to make one of his very first priorities to fund abortions worldwide? I will always love this country, but I think that Christians will be in for a battle like we've never seen before.

Something I'm thinking about...I'd better quit writing because I'm going to get myself in trouble. :)

PRAY

2009-01-16T22:40:00.001-05:00

Please pray for this lady. I have read her blog since she found out she was pregnant. They had no clue that anything was wrong with her sweet baby girl Harper. She was born tonight and has been flown to another hospital. Please lift her up in your prayers.

I Needed This

2009-01-16T14:37:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite bloggers has posted a video on her blog giving us four different ways to tie a scarf. I had no idea how wrong I have been doing it. Well, they are all very cute and Big Mama is always very entertaining. We both have the same name. No, not Big Mama. Although I would be more fitting to have that title on my blog than she is. Her name is Melanie too. I think we would be great friends. :) Oh, by the way, Holly, this is also a shout out to you and Chris. :0

Isn't this cute?

2009-01-15T14:32:00.006-05:00

What was your favorite Christmas present? My husband, Jeff(not to be confused with my other husbands) got me this beautiful necklace. I just wanted to share it with everyone. I think it is a beautiful reminder of the 5 children that God has blessed me with. I think it is possibly my favorite gift that I have ever gotten. Sorry, Mom, the luggage you and Dad got me my Senior year came in a close second. :) What was your favorite gift this year?

Oops, I just realized how dusty my desk is! Hey, I've blogged two days in a row. What do you expect?

6th Folder, 6th Picture, Sort of...

2009-01-14T14:08:00.002-05:00

My friend Paige asked anyone who reads her blog to post the 6th picture in your 6th folder on your computer pictures. Well, I had to break the rules a little bit. My 6th folder only had 5 pictures in it, so we went with 7th folder, 6th picture. I would have gone with the 6th folder, 5th picture but it was a lovely shot taken by Luke of Yours Truly. And then I would have to quit writing out of sheer embarrassment. So, I present to you, 7th folder, 6th picture, Sam. This was right after his latest surgery. He is such a little trooper. He has been through 7 surgeries and has bounced right back from each of them. He is doing amazing. I cannot believe how much better he is talking over the past month or so. This picture just about sums him up. He has been through many hardships, but he usually has this big grin on his face. I love him so much!!!

I think I'm Going to Try This Blogging Thing Once Again!:)

2009-01-10T21:34:00.003-05:00

I just can't seem to get back into the swing of things. Our family had a great Christmas together. But, it has been hard to say the least. My heart aches for my baby. Yes, I've been blessed beyond measure with four babies on this side of Heaven, but I want Drew back. I wonder if I'll ever go more than a few minutes without losing my breath when I am reminded that he died. I am reminded when I see pregnant ladies in the mall, a mom holding her baby, when I get that email newsletter that I can't seem to block always stating, "this week in your baby's development", every time I look at my boys, etc... No matter what I do, I don't understand death. It scars us, leaving us permanently disfigured as we walk through this life. I can still go through this life happy but I'll never have the carefree feeling that I once had. Death has touched me and I'll never be the same. I appreciate so much each of your prayers. I know that they are what get me through each and every day.Sometimes when I am so overwhelmed and I feel as if my heart will completely break from crying, He gives me strength to press forward. I am certain that it is because of my friends and familys' prayers.

A Great Investment!

2008-11-30T22:23:00.002-05:00

This past Friday, Jeff and I hit the sales. We went to quite a few stores starting at 3:30am. It was alot of fun to be out in the middle of the night while the kids stayed with their grandparents. We grabbed us some coffee and made mad dashes for presents for our family and friends. We scored some great deals. One thing I noticed in the Walmart flyer was this vacuum. Jeff's sister headed to Walmart that morning and I asked her to pick us up one. It was only $9.00. I'm telling you, if you have small kids, this is a great thing to buy. My kids have been vacuuming my house all day. While the suction on it is not as good as a heavier vacuum, it sill works pretty well, especially on bathroom floors and hardwoods. My kids loved it so much, I had to go buy another one for a Christmas present. It would make a great gift for a child that likes to help. They come in lots of cute colors, too. Buy one for each of your kids and I promise they'll love to help with vacuuming. Now, that's my kind of Christmas gift.

A Couple of Projects

2008-11-22T00:08:00.006-05:00

I love reading this blog! She gives so many ideas on how to decorate on a budget. I love it! It's so much more fun to decorate your house with stuff from yard sales, thrift stores, and clearance racks. I mean, anyone can go to Pottery Barn and buy stuff from their catalog, but who wants to be anyone? :) Well, I took a few of her ideas and this is what I came up with. This is a garland of fabric and ribbons that I used for Susanna's room. The only thing that I bought was the wooden letter S at Michaels for $2.49. For the fabric, I went through some of her old clothes that had the same colors in it that we were using and cut them into strips. We had a good time putting this together.

Just recently she gave tips on how to make a garland for your fireplace. Mine is not nearly as cute as hers but is an improvement from last year. Well, that's not saying much, because I didn't have one last year. :) Baby steps, right?

I didn't have enough garland to make mine as full as hers. I could go and buy some but that would defeat the purpose. Check her blog out. She will be showing everyone how to make a wreath next week.

Our New Family Pet

2008-11-20T19:41:00.001-05:00

Well, actually, this is my hair that my sister cut out. I am blessed by being able to have my sister Katie as my hairdresser. Not only do I get great deals on haircuts and highlights but she gets to experiment on my hair. That may be a curse, the jury is still out. Katie informed me that my hair was the thickest that she has ever cut. Am I bragging? Not in the least! What is the deal with everyone wanting thick hair? There are products for making your hair thicker and fuller every where you look. What I'm looking for is a product that makes your hair look thinner! Does it exist? My hair grows as the day goes on. You know, kind of like a Chia Pet. Well, Katie decided that she was going to "thin it out like crazy." This is the hair that was on the floor before she even cut any length off it. I wanted to find some wiggly eyes to put on it. It was a scary sight. But, I must say, that I like having thin hair. All of you with thin hair, quit your whining! It is so much better! :)

Pray, Pray, Pray

2008-11-13T08:49:00.004-05:00

I have added a link to the side of my blog about praying for our children. It is the sweetest thing that I have seen. Please check it out for ways to pray for your child, your grandchildren, etc.. My Mom also gave me a list of things to pray for when praying for them. She and Gene use it as they pray for their 14 grandchildren. Here are some ideas:

Spiritual:
1. Salvation
2. Love His Word
3. Desire to Learn Word
4. Obedient to Word
5. Witnesses
6. Soul winner
7.Prayerful
8. Sensitive Spirit toward God
9. Contrite Heart toward sin in their lives
10. Mission Minded
11. Humility
12. Purity
13. Buoyant Spirit
14. Faith
15. Faithfulness
16. Thankful
17. Spiritual Songs in their Heart
18. Bold
19. Wise all around
20. Listens to Godly Instruction
21. Responsible to God

Mental
1. Choose and enjoy good reading material
2. Memorizes Scripture
3. Logical thinking
4. Desires to learn new things
5. Learns from mistakes of others
6. Ability to organize
7. Disciplined mind
8. Curious/creative
9. Proper Priorities
10. Learn to handle Money wisely
11. Initiative to DO
12. Common Sense :)
13. Loves instruction
14. Appreciates good criticism

Emotional

Compassion
Forgiving
Unconditional love for family and others
Able to show Love
Self control
Stability in mind
Submission
Accepts Discipline
Thoughtfulness
Thankfulness
Honesty
Healing of emotional hurts
Meekness
Flexibility
Accepts others as they are
Patience
Contentment
Truthful

Physical

Strong
Heals quickly
Sticktoitiveness :)
Desire to eat healthy foods:)
Enjoys wholesome hobbies
Safe, proper competitive spirit
Endurance
Self Control
Not afraid of work
Hard worker
Dependable
Punctual
Accepts personal appearance (that which cannot be changed)
Affectionate
Cleanliness

Social

Hospitable, Friendly
Loyal to what is right
Wholesome friends
Quality people who will guide them
Able to reach out to help others
Able to share Gospel clearly
Able to choose good friends Prov. 13:20
Mate- saved and desires to be obedient to the Lord
Keeps his testimony clean
Selfless
Fair with others
Generous but thrifty
Individuality
High standards for self

I love this list. It gives me direction in what to pray for my children as well as how I need to train them. Many of the things that I know my children need to work on are ones that I need to also. Isn't that how it usually works? I had to laugh at the one that says "selects good reading material". We had an issue with this last week. Luke brought home a reading book that I would not read to him. It had to do with Halloween in an aspect that we clearly do not agree with. It just had a lot of creepy pictures. It turned out to be a great discussion. I explained to him that he is to make good choices when he selects books. He knew that it was not a good choice. He returned it to his teacher. While I was at his school for his Fall Party, she came and told me that she totally agreed with my decision about the book. She even told Luke that he should probably not pick that one. She let me know that in the future she would watch out for this and that we were on the same page. Yea! Now, Luke is very alert to picking out books and making good decisions.

Grace

2008-11-10T22:57:00.003-05:00

We have been so busy since Sam's surgery. Now with having most of our family out of town, we have had company staying with us about every other weekend. Andrew's headstone came in and I have yet to go see it. The finality of it all seems to overwhelm me at times. I do ask for your prayers. I know that guilt has no benefit for me, but I am filled with it. Somedays, I cannot get out of bed, and I feel guilty because I have other children to care for. Other days, I function normally. I laugh, I shop, I clean, I play. Then, I cry because I functioned normally and I wonder if I am forgetting about Drew. As we approach the holidays, I miss him even more. I had imagined this Thanksgiving taking Drew to Florida to show him off to our family, hanging 5 stockings up, watching Drew play with his brand new cousins, Annie and Davis. I know all of the right answers to all of these issues that I struggle with, yet I sometimes fail to apply them to my own life. Thank you all for your continued prayer. Hardly a day has gone by that I have not received encouragement of some kind and I'm so thankful. Thank you for mentioning Drew by his name or asking me about him. Thank you for acknowledging his life, even if it makes me cry. Please don't feel bad if you do and I cry. I'd so much rather talk about him than ignore what happened.
Some have asked me what happened or what were the events leading up to his death. I have written in my journal about everything yet have been unable to share with everyone.
While I was 32 weeks pregnant, I was experiencing some pretty sharp pains in my side. I knew that it was not labor but something that I had never felt before. It was not the usual uncomfortableness that one experiences during pregnancy. It hurt! I called my Dr. and insisted that I come in that day. I went in, he told me that I was just experiencing contractions. He checked for a heartbeat and it was normal. Fast forward two days later. My oldest daughter was being baptized that night at church. It was such an exciting event for our family. I remember during the service waiting for Drew to kick. He just seemed less active that day. Much to my relief, he had an active spurt that night before I fell asleep. I just reassured myself that his living quarters were getting quite cramped and that his movements were normally slowing down. I felt that I could not keep calling the Dr. for every little issue. The next night, I told Jeff that I could not feel Drew move. I knew all of the right things to do such as eat a snack, lay on your side, etc... I did all of them. I put a call in to the Dr., and they reassured me that everything was ok, and to keep trying to get him to move. Still no movement. I remember just crying and praying throughout the night. The Dr. told me to come in in the morning. Jeff reassured me that everything was going to be ok and I rushed to the doctors. I drove myself up to the office and I remember signing my name in, then sitting on those couches crying as I waited for them to call my name. Why didn't I just barge in and demand help? I don't know? So many questions... After what seemed to be forever the nurse came and got me. She put the Doppler on my stomach as she waited to hear his heartbeat. I thought I heard something, but she said it was my own heartbeat. I began to cry, knowing that he was gone. She began to press painfully on my stomach as she searched frantically for it. Still no heartbeat. She asked me to go to the ultrasound room to check on him there. I don't remember walking to that room. The sonographer turned the screen to herself as she scanned my stomach. I cried the whole time. I knew. She then said how sorry she was and that the baby had no heartbeat. My heart broke in that instant. I had to call Jeff and tell him and then call my Mom. They escorted me to a private room and I waited there for Jeff. I remember thinking that this was not something that I could handle. Hadn't God promised that He would not give us more than we can bear? I was still grieving the loss of my Dad and the thought of burying my baby was too much. At that time. You know, as much as I knew that I could not handle it, He knew I could. Well, looking back, God's love filled me that day yet I wasn't so sure at that time. The Doctor met with Jeff and I in order to make decisions as far as when we should induce labor. They then escorted me to the maternity ward in a back room used for this very purpose. They put a tear drop on my door so all workers would know that this was not a live baby being delivered. No big blue ribbon, just a tear drop. My family was all spread out at the time but were all there by my side in no time at all. My sister that lives in Miami was there with her own newborn by that afternoon. I remember telling them that I did not "feel" God's love at that time. My heart did not feel comforted as I have heard many other people speak about. It just felt broke. No one told me that God was in control or anything. They just listened and that is what I needed. God listened too. I knew He was in control, but that didn't mean that it hurt less. I was reminded that God lost His Son too. He knew. I prayed that God would miraculously breathe life into him as he was born. Yet, He did not. I don't know why. I may never know. I do know that I treasure my children even more. I hurt more for other people. I yearn for Heaven. I feel a little closer to Him. Is it because I need Him now more than ever? Probably. Will I ever forget the grace that He has given me to survive each day? I hope not. I don't know what God has for us or why He let this happen. I may never know on this side of Heaven. What I do know is that He has sustained me thus far and will continue to do so. He will sustain you too. Most of the time not an overflow, but just enough to put one foot in front of the other. Then, You will look back and see that although you still hurt tremendously, His grace is indeed amazing. It's beyond what we even think possible. That I know.

My grandmother wrote this verse out for me:
"I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Is. 41:10b

Don't you just love that word"surely"? Not maybe, not probably. SURELY...

Happy Birthday Susanna!

2008-10-15T20:10:00.001-04:00

Updates and Pictures

2008-10-15T19:46:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but we have been so busy as we have had school beginning, Sam's surgery, and lots of company. Sam's surgery went beautifully and I'm so excited to tell everyone that there is already a noticeable difference with his speech. For those of you who don't know me that well, Sam, my third child, was born with a cleft lip and palate. He is an amazing child and making the decision to have another surgery is never easy. I can't wait to post a picture of him that we took with our new camera. This past Saturday, we had a garage sale and used the money to buy a camera. Our old one waited to take the picture until after the kids had long left the scene. For my kids, we need a fast one. You know what I mean???
Speaking of pictures, my friend Kristen took some family pictures for us a couple of weeks ago. They turned out really well and I'm thrilled to have some candid shots of the kids, rather than the typical poses. If you live in this area, give her a call. She does great work, and if she got all four of my kids to look at the camera at the same time, well, that is just simply amazing. For a peek at these, you can go here.
Thank you for your continued prayers. I feel as though I am stuck between grief and learning how to function again. The new Normal... Some days are hard to get out of bed and other days, I am able to more easily. My blogger friend, Angie Smith, wrote a post about women who have lost babies through infant death, stillbirths, and miscarriages. She asked everyone who has ever experienced the loss of a baby to comment on her blog. I was amazed and somewhat comforted to read about other women and their struggles. God bless each and everyone of them on this day of recognition. Today is the National Day Of Remembrance for all of these women. I wish that I could tell you how God has become even more real to me as I am dealing with this immense pain.
Lastly, today is my daughter, Susanna's birthday. She is seven!!! My how time flies! I have learned through the loss of Andrew how extremely precious life is. I am so thankful to have been blessed with a girl with such a sweet and tender heart. She is the boys' second mother. I love you Susanna and I couldn't be prouder of you. May you walk with the Lord everyday of your life. Know that He has made you beautiful inside and out. I love you!

My Beautiful Boy

2008-10-01T22:40:00.006-04:00

A poem for my Baby Drew

2008-09-29T20:15:00.005-04:00

Today is the day I expected you to be born
Yet today I expect to visit your grave.

Today is the day I prepared our nursery for
Yet today I begin to put away the those bittersweet memories.

Today is the day I longed for
Yet today I have dreaded.

Today is the day I expected to beg my doctor to induce labor
Yet today I will see him for a post-partum appointment.

Today is the day I expected to be most joyful
Yet today I am mostly sad.

Today is the day that I would likely celebrate your birthday
Yet today I remember your death.

Today is the day I've prepared for by buying you new clothes
Yet today they hang in the closet, painful reminders of what was supposed to be.

Today is the day I expected to share our home with visitors,
Yet today the house is painfully silent.

Today we were going to have our family picture made
Yet today there are none to be found.

Today was to begin all the tomorrows with you,
Yet all I think about are the yesterdays.

"With the Lord, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day."

II Peter 3:8

Yesterday my arms were empty

Tomorrow I will hold you.

Yesterday I missed you terribly

Tomorrow I will never be apart from you.

Yesterday was filled with pain

Tomorrow there will be no tears.

Yesterday our family was fragmented

Tomorrow our family will be whole again.

Yesterday we could not make sense of this tragedy

Tomorrow we will understand.

Yesterday we questioned God's goodness

Tomorrow we will worship Him together.

Yesterday you spent with Jesus

Tomorrow we will join you.

Baby, until tomorrow...

Please Pray...

2008-09-19T23:01:00.003-04:00

When Drew was born, we had a photographer take pictures of him and us. Jeff and I have misplaced her card and we are desperate to see those pictures. Please pray that we find her as she told us to contact her for them after 6 weeks. We just want to see them so badly, This week has been very difficult for me. I just miss the baby that should be here so terribly. As my due date approaches, it seems surreal that he won't be here with us. Mornings seem to be the hardest as I often wake up thinking that I'm still pregnant. Then, realizing that I need to get through another day seems so overwhelming. Looking at my own children makes me so sad. I just think about which one he would have been most like. I know that one day this pain won't be so bad, but I also know that a piece of me will always be gone. Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Amazing Love

2008-09-09T22:49:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support for my family. I have learned so much through your reaching out to our family. I don't want to stand on the sidelines as someone I know is hurting anymore. You have laughed with me and cried with me when I needed a listening ear. You have truly been friends that "mourn with those that mourn" . I am so blessed and not a day has gone by that I haven't been encouraged or comforted by a friend or family member. We have received cards, phone calls, meals, house cleaning service (bless your heart whoever did that one), our yard mowed, babysitting, received books, received money to help pay for the funeral expenses, photography services, and much more. Thank you all for helping us cope as we make it through each day.
Just this past week, I felt that my blog was too getting too depressing. People were telling me that they cried every time that they read it. My purpose of writing was not to stir an emotion but as a way to help me deal with this pain that I am facing. I seem to write when ever I am the most down and I could see that in my writing. So, I was going to write and tell you that we do laugh everyday, we smile, we enjoy life as much as we cry. There are even times that we laugh hysterically. But just as I was going to post about this, I felt a huge wave of despair run over me. Last week was by far the hardest, darkest week I have ever felt or experienced. I could not function. Looking back, I don't know how I got through it. I felt oppression like I have never felt before. Panic and fear were my new best friends. I was crippled and in my bed most of the time. It was more debilitating than the grief itself. It was a darkness that hung over me and would not leave. A new low in my life had been faced and felt to be permanent. Then, just a quiet rush of strength came my way, God had came to my rescue and His love has been felt like never before. I am convinced that I will always cherish His presence more than ever because of what was experienced. His love is way more than I deserve and He is my true source of joy. I don't know if I will face more days like last week, but if I do, I will look back at what He has lead me through already.His grace truly is sufficient and perfect. Thank you for your prayers as I am convinced more than ever that they saw me through last week.
I hope to share some highlights of this week as I have been able to have my Mom and sister in town. They have come to my rescue. Thank you both so much!

Questions

2008-08-27T15:36:00.005-04:00

Dear Father,

Today, my grief is washing over me. I know that you say that we will never be given more than we can handle. Today, I'm not so sure. I want so desperately to hold Andrew again. I want to touch his blond hair and remind myself of all of his sweet features. I'm so afraid that I will forget what he looked like. I want to go get him. I want to scream at the doctors and find someone to blame for all of this. It makes me feel less of the guilt that I feel . Was it the long car ride that I had just taken? The warm bath? I just want to know if he struggled in me to breathe or did You take him quickly? I can't bear to see my daughter crying anymore. I don't know what to tell her because I don't understand myself. I walked in her room today and she was crying with the little bear that was on Andrew's casket. She didn't want me to see her crying because she knew I would cry. She hurts so much and I cannot bear to see her in such pain. How am I supposed to respond when my little boy points to my stomach several times a day and says, Baby Drew, all gone? What do I do with my time? I don't even know what to do anymore. You do promise to be faithful. Lord, please help us as we try to understand all of this. We need you. We so desperately need you.

Sigh of Relief...

2008-08-25T23:43:00.005-04:00

Today was a big day for Susanna. She started the first grade at a new school . I have been so worried about her and desperately wanted her to have a great day. Jeff and I were not able to keep her at the school that she was attending because of the cost of sending her and her brother there. So, we have been praying that God would surround our kids with great teachers and wonderful friends. I even bargained with the Lord last night. I was feeling so overwhelmed with panic. I am told that grieving will do this. If you have ever faced death, you will know how afraid you become of everything. I have been checking on all of my kids and my husband multiple times in the night just to make sure that they are breathing. I know, I sound like a crazy person. As I was up last night, I just asked the Lord to confirm this decision that we had made about Susie and Luke's school. (Luke doesn't start until Thursday.) I begged Him to please help Susanna have a special friend at this new school. She needs this. Well, Susanna came running out to the car and her mouth was running a mile a minute. She said that her friend from her preschool was in her class! This is a friend whose family I have always kind of admired from afar. They have, I think, 8 kids in their family. AND the Mom always has her hair done! Can you imagine? I am so thankful that she had a great day. Now, I just to have to get through Luke's first day on Thursday.
My heart was comforted today after reading this blog. She is the daughter-in-law of John Piper. Last year, she had a stillborn daughter in her 39th week of pregnancy. She just gave birth to a son, Morrow John Piper. They named him this from the verse,"Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning." She writes about the heartache that she has endured and is still enduring. Her prayer for her children was that they will all know God. She said that she realized that she will never have to pray that for her daughter. It has already been fulfilled. It gave me some comfort today. I didn't want it that way, but I cannot ask for more than that.

"For where your treasure is...

2008-08-23T22:58:00.014-04:00

On Saturday, August 9th, our family had a little service for my precious Andrew. It was a beautiful day and we were surrounded by so many loved ones. I am so thankful for the service that we were able to have for him and I felt that it honored his very short life. While I was in the hospital, I was blessed to have the most amazing and compassionate nurse. She was with us all three days and we are so thankful for all the help that she gave to us. Two things she told us to do was to make sure that we held him for as long as we would like to and to make sure that we had a service for him. It was hard to plan a service for a baby of ours, but it did make us feel like we were his parents as we made these decisions. She also wanted to make sure that we took pictures of our Drew and of the service. We would never have thought about that at that time. I am so thankful for the pictures that we do have and we will always have of our baby. We were so blessed to have a ministry called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep take the pictures of Baby Drew at the hospital. Then, a friend of mine, Kristen Presley, took beautiful pictures of the funeral. Thank you Kristen for doing this for us. We will always treasure these pictures. I wanted to share a few of them. I was really hesitant about doing pictures of the funeral but realized that we only have so few memories of him that we wanted to document everything.

We were so blessed to have our Pastor (Chris Brown) and Gene lead our service.

This is a picture that I love. Susanna and Luke wrote Andrew little letters that were attatched to the balloons. Eli still talks about his balloon and that it is with Baby Drew. Luke's balloon got stuck in a tree for a few moments and we all held our breath. Then, the wind blew, or I like to think that God blew, and it went up into the sky.
A verse that was shared with Jeff and I as we waited for Andrew to be born was Matthew 6:21,"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." This is a verse that we have claimed during this time. Our treasure is not this earth and the things that will soon be destroyed. Jesus is our treasure. And now Andrew...

2008-08-21T21:22:00.006-04:00

So many times I find myself wondering if I should take certain people meals or send a card when they are hurting. I do sometimes and other times, I convince myself that I don't know them well enough to send them something. And I was wrong for thinking that... Jeff and I have been so blessed by the words of comfort and encouragement that have been sent our way. The ones from the people that we don't know so well mean so much to us. Why? Because they prove to us over and over that God is moving on our behalf when we feel so down. It tells us that God still cares and He's going to help us through this. He's even moving strangers to pray for us. He is good...

I have to remind myself of that lately. I'll have to admit that it is a struggle to say that my God is good sometimes. I still don't understand why but I will know one day. I am certain. I am reminded in different ways everyday. Yesterday, I went to the Drs. to go over the findings of why Drew passed away. We found out that it was the cord that had kinked multiple times. It was a hard day. Yesterday, I doubted His goodness. I came home and began to write on my blog. Susanna, my oldest, came in the room, and saw me crying. She put her arms around me and told me that she loved me. Then, she asked me how many more days until Drew would have been born. You see, she used to check my blog everyday for the countdown that is on the side and would announce to all of us how much longer we had until he was here with us. When I showed her the number, she began to cry. We held each other and cried for the life that was lost. She knows he's in Heaven, but she was so anxious for a baby to be in the house again. And in that moment, I was reminded once again that He is good.

He Is Good

2008-08-16T22:05:00.008-04:00

I don't know yet what to do with this blog. I have been told that it helps to write as you deal with grief. So, for now, I will write about this journey that I never thought that I would be on. First of all, I have to thank all of my family and friends for your outpouring of love and support for our family. We are so blessed to have each of you in our lives. Please do not quit praying for us. We have heard and are learning that losing a child puts a tremendous amount of strain on a family. We want desperately to see His name lifted up through all of this. We are so weak. Pray that God does a mighty work through our lives as we go through this valley.
Yesterday, Jeff and I went to the grave. I had such mixed emotions about going there. I thought that it might be too painful and feared that, without the headstone, it would not seem special enough for my son. I kept getting angry that I was being swarmed by mosquitoes. Questions began to swirl in my mind. Couldn't God just allow us to grieve without getting bit up? I began to think about the awful labor and then the surgery/ Couldn't God have made it an easy delivery with no complications, instead of the hardest one I have ever been through? Then, why did He allow me to get pregnant just to take him away? Why does God allow my body to remind me that there is supposed to be a baby here? Couldn't He have taken care of that, too? Does He even care? Just as soon as I begin to question His love, guilt sweeps over me. How can I doubt my God's love when I have four beautiful children? How can I think that He has given me more than I can bear? I am breathing. His mercy and compassion have not failed me. He has sustained me this far and will give me the strength to get through this day. He is good. He is good.

Our Baby Drew

2008-08-13T13:23:00.003-04:00

My dear precious Andrew,

You are missed beyond measure. I cannot understand why you are no longer here with us. My mind cannot grasp the fact that I will not hold you again on this earth. Why did God take you from us? You were so perfect and I cannot imagine a baby that would have been loved anymore than you. Today, baby, I will just pray that God will give me the mercy to make it through. I love you with all of my heart. Your brother Luke probably understood more than I did the day you were born. He just wanted to keep touching you. Although he was crying, he said, "Mom, we miss him so much, don't we?" He knew that even though we were holding you, that you were with Jesus. It does bring comfort to us in knowing that Heaven is your only home. It is all you will ever know. I know that one day everything will be clear as to why He chose you to be with Him. I just wish it were now. You were loved from the moment we knew we had you and we long for the day that we can have you in our arms again.
Love,
Your Mommy

Help!

2008-07-15T15:02:00.001-04:00

I need a new name for this blog before the baby comes? Any ideas?

SuperNanny...Help!!!

2008-07-15T14:49:00.003-04:00

This picture has become all too familiar lately. This is Eli in our bed. He has been getting so spoiled. See, lately, when we put him to bed, he begins screaming,"Bad guys scare me!" I feel so terrible that he is scared and I go get him. Jeff will put him in his bed once he falls asleep. I need to get him back to sleeping in his bed through out the night before the baby comes. Now, if I could just muster up the energy to fight him on this. So, I'm putting in a call to Miss Jo Frost. But, he is cute, isn't he? Oh , and not to mention that he is 2 and still has a bottle by his side. How did I become such a softie?

What We're Doing...

2008-07-09T22:01:00.003-04:00

Today, Mom and Gene came home. I have missed having Mom home so much. It just seems so weird to no longer have Mom or Dad around anymore. Not quite how I pictured it. But we are so glad that they are here for a few short days. I was also feeling bad that I would not be able to see Holly's baby and Jeff told me to go see her. I didn't think that it would work out, but everything has just fallen into place. Jeff is going to keep the youngest 2 and I am taking the older 2 to Miami. We are driving and Mom is coming with us. I can't wait to get down there and see our newest addition to the family. Anyways, we will probably be busy all week as we prepare for our trip as well as get Mom's house cleaned out. Please pray for me. It's a bit sad as she packs away everything. I'm going to try and post some picture really soon as well as update this more regularly.

I've Been Tagged

2008-06-19T19:09:00.002-04:00

A friend from high school, Kristin, tagged me so here it goes:

What was I doing 10 years ago

Actually, I was working about 3 jobs to pay off some of my college bills. I was home from the summer, wondering if I should return to the small Christian college that I had been attending.I decided not to go back up until the night after college had started again. The Lord had woken me up from my sleep and told me that I needed to go back. Although I had no desire to go back and was sure that it would not work out since the semester had already begun, I woke my mom and dad up and told them I had to go back. I thought that my Mom would be so angry with me for not having made this decision earlier. But, she said, " I know, God told me this too. We'll call in the morning and then I'll drive you there." Everything worked out, I met some of my best friends that year and met a cute new transfer, Jeff. We were married a year and a half later.

My favorite snacks
Homemade salsa and chips, by far! Oh and Blue Bell Banana Pudding Ice Cream! It's a pregnancy thing...I hope! Or I will have an even harder time getting the weight off. It's delicious.

5 things on my to-do list today

1. Go to the pool with the kids
2. Feed my Mom's dog at her house
3. Exercise...I'll cross that one off after going to the pool. Chasing the kids around is quite a work out. You'd think I'd be a skinny little thing, wouldn't you?
4. Go to the grocery store
5. Clean my house... Now, that's wishful thinking.

Things I would do if I were a Billionaire
Tithe, pay off all debts as well as all of our familys' debts and I think that would about cover it! We have a big family!:)

5 jobs I've had

1. Taught swim lessons
2. Cashier
3. Lifeguard
4. Elementary Teacher
5. Middle School Teacher

5 places I've lived

1. Cincinatti, Ohio
2. Charlotte NC
3. Clearwater Fl
4. Indian Trail NC
5. Stallings NC

5 random things people wouldn't know about me

1. I love to go to yard sales. Susanna and I go all of the time. It's our time together. We always finish the morning off with a Chick-Fil-A biscuit.
2. I am a homebody. I like to travel for a day or two, but always enjoy "being home".
3. I love to play cards. I think it is so fun to play with friends and family. And win.
4. I cannot take oral liquid medicine. I think that if it were up to taking it or dying, I'd have to tell everyone I love them and will see them soon. Maybe not that extreme, but I will gag and gag.
5. I get a kick out of playing pranks on people. Yes. Still. Do. I know, it's time to grow up, but they are so fun. I even have one up my sleeve right now. It's payback for a prank that was played on us at Christmas time. It involved 2 light up reindeer in our yard and that's all I will say. Maybe I'll post a picture of the payback scene.

5 cd's I'd have to have with me on a deserted island :

Any Hillsong Cd
Cece Winans... reminds me of my Dad
Hillsong for kids...It's what I'm used to hearing
Chris Tomlin
Roy D Mercer...Don't ask...My brother in law, Tim, got us hooked on these. They will crack you up. I guess it's that prank thing again.

I tag Tina and Angie... They are the only ones I know that blog that haven't been tagged. And that's if you count Angie, she hasn't blogged in about a year.:)

Dance to Jesus

2008-06-02T21:11:00.002-04:00

I cannot say enough about how neat Susanna's dance recital was. Susanna has wanted to do dance for so long. I had considered it and thought that it may be a great way to instill in her confidence and gracefulness. Last year, Jeff and I went to sign her up at a local studio. But, as soon as we walked in a few little girls were walking out acting and dressed in a way that we were pretty uncomfortable about. We had told her that it was probably not going to be something she would be able to do. Earlier this year, we had heard that a friend of ours had opened her own dance and art studio. It's called Masterpiece Studios. The verse that they got their name from is Ephesians 2:10 which says,
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."
Isn't that great?

You would not have seen a more beautiful sight than seeing all of the girls dancing to "Come to Jesus". It made me cry. I, like the owner of this studio, grew up hearing about how terrible dancing was. But, this was the most worshipful and exciting thing I have seen in a long time. They did some fun songs too, but the whole night was centered around God. It's so great to have found such a great place for Susanna to learn dance. Oh, and let me say, she surprised the socks off of me. I thought that she would be shy, but she really got into it. She looked beautiful and made Jeff and I both wonder where she got her rhythm from. It definitely was not from us.

Now, if we could just find a soccer league like this...

Susanna's Recital

2008-06-02T21:09:00.001-04:00

Kindergarten Graduation...My Beautiful Girl!

2008-06-01T17:15:00.004-04:00

Susanna has finished Kindergarten! It was a wonderful celebration of a great school year. Susanna was valedictorian of her class. I'm just kidding. She did do great though. First grade, here she comes. Something funny... Susanna was reading this as I typed it and asked me what a valedictorian was. I told her that it was the smartest person in the class. She then informed me,"Mom, there were 2 other girls with me in our reading group,too!" :D But their moms aren't writing this blog!

One more... Works For Me!!!

2008-04-28T14:09:00.002-04:00

It's no secret that the Magic Eraser is a great product. I have found so many great uses for this little white miracle. I even found a website listing a ton of different ways that you can use the Magic Eraser. My favorite discovery is using it in the shower. No, I don't use it as a bath soap! I was trying to get the soap scum off of the door one day and tried everything. Then, I tried the Magic Eraser and it wiped away all of the scum and made the door look as good as new. I have done this many times with our house being on the market and it has worked every time. Try it! Did you know that it also will get nail polish off of your carpet? It will!

Works For Me! Monday

2008-04-28T13:58:00.004-04:00

I don't have perfect carpet, but I can tell you that every stain that we have is from the previous owners of this house. This is definitely not because I am a cleaning fanatic or that my kids are not allowed to breathe on the carpet. My carpet does not always look perfect but I can usually make it look pretty good. I was told about this stuff about a year ago and have loved it ever since. They sell Folex at Walmart. I hate Walmart but I still go there mainly to pick up a new bottle. Since we have had our house on the market for a few long months, we have gone through many of these bottles. If you have juice stains or any kind of marks on your carpet, this is a great remover and is by far the best one I have ever tried.

Family Updates

2008-04-26T20:51:00.002-04:00

Well, I have been inspired once again to continue this blog by looking at how some friends do theirs. It is so easy to get discouraged with these. I don't want to offend people, come across as bragging, or come across as too negative when I share what is on my mind. Here is a quick rundown of happenings with the Robinson Family:

*** Sam will be going to Wake Forest on Tuesday. We will confer with several doctors on what is the best next step for him.
***Also on Tuesday, we will be finding out what sex our little one is. We are all so excited about this. I promised Susanna that I would either have a pink or blue ribbon tied to the car when I pick her up in car line. She has reminded me over and over to have my ribbons ready.
***On Wednesday, we will close on the house that we are buying. Woo hoo! It's a beautiful house and gives us a little more room for our ever expanding family. The best thing is that our payment will actually drop. We had decided one night to stop by this neighborhood and they were having a promotion with inventory houses. The promotion was the interest rate was 2.8 percent! What a blessing!
***Our house closes on May 16th. Please pray that everything goes smoothly. After we decided to put in new countertops, we received 2 offers almost immediately. Note to all potential sellers... If your countertops are a hideous green puke color, Change them! Run to Home Depot and don't look back. The investment will be well worth it.
***Jeff begins his new position this week. Pray that he will not be too stressed. He will be traveling alot in the next few weeks as he trains. Pray for us, too!
***My mom surprised us all and got married last week. I mean, we were expecting her to get married soon, but in May. She is married to a wonderful man named Gene. My kids love him and look forward to seeing him every time we go over there. He is a pastor from Nebraska. So, we may be losing Mom for a while. I don't know what we'll do without her around. Anyways, God has brought comfort to two broken hearted people and it has been so wonderful to see Mom with a new spark.

Well, as you can see, not much going around here! Ha!

Wednesday Night... Baskin Robbins!!!

2008-04-26T20:44:00.002-04:00

This Wednesday night, from 5-10 pm, Baskin Robbins is offering ice cream scoops for 31 cents. It sounds like a great deal for our family and a great way to end the night. You just can't beat it! Hope to see you there!

Our Ultrasound

2008-04-02T08:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, Jeff and I went down town for a Level 2 ultrasound. I guess we have to be intensely followed because we do have a child with a "birth defect". Well, our baby got its first pictures taken and everything was measured. I have such a hard time with this. They were not able to check for cleft lip yet but they did seem to check for everything else. Our risk for all defects is not any higher than anyone else's. Our chance of having a baby with a cleft lip is 2%. I do not see the point of going through this unnecessary worry. I also took a blood test and they will combine that result with the ultrasound, factor in my age, and then tell me the chance of having a child with down syndrome. They will say you have a 1 in 500 chance or a 1 in 10 chance. Are you kidding me? All of these tests just to give me a range of my chances. What is all of this for? I think I know. They hinted at the fact that many people will be able to know within a week, so that they can take the appropriate measures. I am 14 weeks and in the second trimester! It breaks my heart to think of all of the parents who make decisions with these results that cost a baby its life. We were able to see the baby sucking its thumb. We were told that we may find out what we were having, but we saw no visible proof to make a definite call.:) One funny thing was when the nurse told us that cleft lip is just a surgery and you're done. Jeff and I looked at each other and smiled. We know all too well that that this is not quite the truth, at least not in our case. We were told that when we found out Sam had a cleft lip and we partially believed it. Yes, we have learned so much through Sam and are still learning just how sufficient God's grace is to us. But, it wasn't and isn't easy. I hate that ultrasounds are not the exciting thing to me as they are to most people. I think too much of what may go wrong or what they could find. Most people go to them without giving it a second thought. Why can't I just go and not be nauseated the whole way there?

Easter Egg Fun

2008-03-24T13:07:00.001-04:00

Hello? Are You Still There?

2008-03-20T18:39:00.002-04:00

Well, today, I have decided that it is about time to start blogging more regularly once again. I have officially entered the 2nd trimester and am feeling so much better. This pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop. I have been the sickest that I have ever been while trying to take care of my kids and husband. I have not done too well balancing it out. Here are a few of my terrible tricks to get by:

1. Susanna and Sam have bought lunch every day or taken Lunchables to school. The thought of putting meat and cheese together in the morning was enough to make me sick.
2. Susanna has to do 20 minutes of reading a night to us. I lay with her in her bed as she reads me to sleep.
3. Jeff has taken the kids to school every morning that he is in town and usually picks Susanna up too. I don't even know if her teacher would recognize me.:)
4. Instead of spending the time to discipline Susanna on what she chooses to eat in her lunch that I rarely packed, I put notes in it that read, "Eat your apple or else!" Love , Mom
5. Luke likes to play catch at night with a little football. So, being the super mom that I am, as I lay on the couch, I instructed him on how it is so important to get it right to me. If he didn't, he would have to go get the ball. Yeah, that's embarrassing.
6. I did manage to get up and move some. We play on the trampoline alot. I lay down and they see how high they can bounce me. Hey, they think it's fun.
7. I am so thankful for the armoires that we have. They have served us well as places to stuff extra things when we have to show the house in a hurry. I always think that if they move around too much in the house, they will hear the sound of a mountain caving in. Maybe they have.

But... I am not too proud of my getting by skills. We have survived!!!! No one has been scarred too bad and we can get back to normal. Now, I've got to run to the store to get cash so that the tooth fairy can visit tonight and get Easter eggs so that the Easter bunny can also swing by. Who knew how much pressure a Mom has in making sure holidays go smoothly?

Birthdays

2008-03-15T19:17:00.002-04:00

Do you ever feel like birthdays and holidays are taking over the year or quickly sending you to the poor house? I do and I am a little overwhelmed thinking about the 2 new ones that we will be celebrating this year. I mean, it seems as if it is always a holiday or a birthday to celebrate. Every time I turn around, I have either realized that I need to run to the store to get a present or that I've completely blown it and forgotten it. I'm just not good with them and am always giving belated gifts. The reason I am thinking about this is that today is my Dad's birthday. As much as I complain or feel overwhelmed with keeping up with all of the special days, I wish more than anything that we still had his to celebrate. We will still honor this day but it's not the same as celebrating it. I am so thankful for the lives that each birthday represents and am reminded today to cherish and appreciate them. Losing a birthday is such a hard thing to accept.
Dad, we miss you and love you so much! I cannot wait for the day we will all be celebrating together.
As I type this in the car on the way home from Birmingham, there is a huge rainbow in the sky. It is the most brilliant rainbow Jeff and I have ever seen. Thank you Lord, on this day of remembrance, for a sign of your promise of hope. I know that rainbow was for me.
I took a picture of it and will post it when I get home.

Susanna at Church

2008-02-03T21:06:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I had posted about a picture of Susanna from church. This is one of my favorite pictures. It was in the church office, but my brother in law, Chris, had copied it and showed it to us. I came across this picture today when I really needed to see it. The kids have been on their absolute worst behavior. All of them . I feel like a terrible failure. We have had to make some major adjustments as a family today. (This means new rules) We are cancelling cable and are severely limiting the computer and leapsters. They have seemed to take over their attitudes and their desires. And I have let them. I have let the TV babysit one too many times. Now, I am seeing the fruit of being a lazy parent. A coincidence that I saw this picture for the first time in awhile? I don't think so, but a gentle reminder of what I truly want my children's desires to be.

Quirkiness

2008-02-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

There is a blog topic going around asking you to post 6 quirky things about yourself. I thought it sounded like fun:

1. I refuse to take any liquid medicine. I cannot do it without gagging. Just looking at the bottles sometimes makes me want to throw up. Jeff bought me some Noni Juice because he had heard that it helps with your thyroid. That stuff is the most revolting, disgusting drink that has ever touched these lips. You could not pay me a million bucks to drink it.

2. When I am alone in the car, I almost always break into a little song. I sing my heart out. I love the feeling of being free to sing and not care what it sounds like. By the way, there is a reason I only do this when I'm alone. I think only Jesus Himself could appreciate my singing.

3. My dream is to run an orphanage one day. I know I've got my own little expanding family, but this has been a desire that I have had since I was very young. I don't feel that now is the time, but maybe one day.

4. If my house is clean, I have to have a candle lit. I don't know why, they just seem to go together. Needless to say, we usually don't have the candles burning. But if you ever visit, and I've cleaned the house, there will be candles out.

5. I'm running out of quirky things. I am sure that my friends and family can come up with some. I just asked Jeff if he had any ideas. He said that my quirk is that I don't really have any. He's blind. I hate to have dishes in the sink. I can live with the house being a mess, but I cannot go to bed with dishes in the sink. Weird, huh?

6. As far as my pregnancy quirks go, so far, the only thing I really want to eat is Pintos and Cheese from Taco Bell. I had this for breakfast today. I bought several the other day. I have done this with almost all of my pregnancies. I never want them when I'm not pregnant. Just now...It is the only thing that makes me feel a little better when I'm extremely queasy.

Number 5 Is Alive

2008-01-31T22:44:00.001-05:00

2008-01-31T22:22:00.000-05:00

Well, we are having another baby. Jeff and I kept it a secret for a little over a week which is a record for us. We are so bad about not waiting for a while to tell everyone. We just can't keep quiet. My daughter said that she wasn't going to tell anyone until I had her so that it would be such a great surprise for everyone. Good luck with that. I think that she forgot that I get as big as a bus when I'm pregnant. The kids are all so excited. Susanna is for sure that this is a girl and has a name picked out for her. Me? I've begun thinking about boy's names. I'm pretty sure that is what we will be having. But, I'm running out of boys names. Oh well, we do have quite a bit of time.

Something Beautiful

2008-01-31T22:18:00.001-05:00

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html

My Mom had sent me this and I just wanted to share it.

Thankful Thursday

2008-01-24T14:13:00.000-05:00

Today I am thankful:

1. that my kids all love to go to school. We'll see how long this lasts.

2. for the sun being out. It's amazes me about how much it energizes me.

3. for the small group that we are a part of. I love this group!

4, for being able to de-clutter my kitchen yesterday. It feels so much better.

5. that Luke kept his patch on all day at preschool.

6. for the way Sam lit up today when I arrived to pick him up at preschool. I love that.

7. for Jeff wrestling with the boys. It is so fun to watch.

8. for a group of friends to diet with. It makes it much more bearable and fun! Plus, the opportunity to win and the prize money is pretty enticing!

9. for spring vacation to look forward to.

Movie Monday

2008-01-14T21:30:00.000-05:00

This is why I enjoy my days and really appreciate my nights...

Luke is still wearing his patch and Sam has to wear one now, too. We're a family of pirates, I tell ya!

We miss you, Dad!

2008-01-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

Today marks the second anniversary of my Dad's death. Some days it seems like he's been gone for so long and other days it seems as though he were just here. If he only knew how many lives he touched while he was here. My dad was one of the most humble men you have ever met. He had no idea what an impact he had on people's lives. I am so proud to have been his daughter. I am assured that he impacted this city with the love of Jesus more than any famous politician or preacher ever will. People know me as David Dwyer's daughter and that is enough for me. It reminds me to enjoy every moment and that in every moment I can demonstrate the love of Jesus to others. Everywhere I go, people tell me how Dad was so kind to them or that he was such a great man. They always have a story of something that he did for them that was not expected. Did you know that anytime that someone had a complaint at his store, he would get a couple cartons of his favorite ice cream and deliver it to them at their house and tell them how sorry he was? He was a grocery store manager. I've never met any of the managers at the stores that I shop at. He knew every customer and they all knew about his kids. He was my hero. We all miss him so much. I keep thinking that eventually I won't cry every time that someone mentions his name to me, but I'm not there yet. Luke said that he was going to go find Heaven and bring Papa back. I have to admit that I often think that. If we could ,we would. I know, I know. He wouldn't want to if he could, but we would still try.:)Today, Susanna and I went to his grave. Susanna picked out hot pink flowers to put on it. She said he would have liked them. :) While we were there, I just kept thinking that if I could have just one more day to spend with him what would I tell him? I pray that everyone who reads this tells their family how much they love them whenever they get the chance. Cherish every moment!

I'm noticing how this blog is not flowing very well. Oh well, I'm tired,sad, and tired. See!

Christmas PJ pictures

2008-01-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

Sleepless in Charlotte

2007-12-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

The kids are all sleeping...Whew!!!!! They have been so excited about Christmas! We have a countdown calendar in our kitchen and, boy, were they thrilled for it to be the last time to move it. I'll have to admit, I don't think that I will sleep much tonight. When will I ever grow up? I just can't wait to give every one their presents. Jeff, Uncle Tim, and Uncle Kent are outside assembling something. They must be freezing! (And probably driving our neighbors crazy.) I have just finished putting all of the stockings together. Whenever people talk about it being too expensive to have more than 1 or 2 kids, I will be the first one to point out that it's not that bad. I mean, you can hand all of the clothes down, garage sale, not sign up your kids for a million different activities,etc,,, But, tonight as I was putting all of the stockings together, I realized how much more we spend on Christmas stockings alone. You have to make sure that everything is even which can send you for a whirl when you realize that one child's stocking is only half full and the other kids' stockings are overflowing. I could just say. "Life's just not fair!", right? I mean, what better time to learn? I'm just kidding!

Today, Susanna was working on some Christmas cards. She came and showed me a card. It was one to Santa thanking him for stopping by. Just as I was beginning to have one of my worry sessions (Have I taught her to love Santa more than Jesus? Yeah, I know!) she handed me another card that she had already made. It said:

Dear God and Jesus,
Thank you for Christmas. I love you!
Love,
Susanna

Woo Hoo! It made my day!

Merry Christmas to you all! Remember Him and the most amazing gift ever!

Christmas Lights...

2007-12-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

This week we have been so busy with Christmas preparing and events. The kids have been so excited and hyper. They love to look at Christmas lights and it has proved to be a great activity for us to do when we need to get out of the house but don't have money to spend. We have spent several nights driving around town "judging" Christmas lights. Sam and Elijah get so excited about the lights. It is so cute. They both yell, "Wow!" and then yell, "More!" The other night, Luke was getting so excited about seeing all of the lights. We were driving over I-485 and Luke yelled, "Look, Mom, there is even a car parade of lights!" I had to tell him that it was traffic but that that was a great way to look at it.

I really do hate the materialism of it all though. But I do have to admit that I get so excited about seeing my kids open up their presents. I cannot wait! I love the verse that says (paraphrase) that just as we,being imperfect, love to give gifts to our own children, our Father loves to give to those who ask even more. He gave us the most awesome gift that anyone could ever receive. We are doing our best to teach them about this very special day and what it means to us. They love to play with the nativity and tell the story of Jesus using the people in the set. And I love to hear them tell the story. This holiday season is so bittersweet. The pain of the loss of my Dad is still there but I love the hope that Christmas season represents even more for that very reason.

Car rides,hotels,and the kids

2007-11-28T00:43:00.000-05:00

We had a great time in Florida for Thanksgiving. The kids always love to see their cousins and grandparents that we don't get to see often enough. They were spoiled by their grandparents and had such a fun-filled time. They were able to ride their cousins' horses, go to a light festival at Silver Springs, and even swim. Yes, I said swim... After Thanksgiving, can you believe it? I don't know how Floridians celebrate Christmas. I think if you have 80 degree weather in December, you don't deserve Santa. I mean, you can't have everything, right? It is weird though. Here's some pictures of our trip:

Susanna and Luke with Gramma and Papa at Silver Springs

2007-11-28T00:31:00.000-05:00

2007-11-16T19:44:00.001-05:00

Home Sweet Home

2007-11-16T19:34:00.000-05:00

Well, we are almost done with the house we have been working on and will be listing it on Wednesday. It has been painted, recarpeted, had new fixtures put in, new knobs on countertops,etc... The only thing that is left to do is to give it a thorough cleaning which we will do tomorrow. It has been fun, but we'll see if it sells. We are praying that is sells the first month so that we will not have to make a payment on it. Our house is still on the market. We have had one offer but their contract fell through. So, we are now just showing the house about once a week. It is always fun when they say that they will be showing the house in an hour and our house is a wreck. Honestly, if they ever opened a drawer, I would be horrified. We have had some major rushes where we have had to stuff everything everywhere. Susanna and Luke have become pros at this,I'm afraid. ; )

Flip That House!

2007-11-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite shows to watch is Flip That House. I love watching a house being transformed and then hearing how much they were able to sell it for. I feel so bad for them when they put all the time and effort into the house to only lose money on it, but I am so happy for the ones that are able to flip it for a good profit. Well, Jeff and I just bought our own flip house. We are doing it with Holly and Chris. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I am going to go over there and take pictures of the house before and then take some after pictures when we are done. I really love this house. We almost bought it for us to live in but we got too nervous about renting out our own house. It's a beautiful house and only has minor cosmetic things that need to be done. We got a really good deal on it and are hoping to flip it with some profit that will go towards the kids' scshool., since we will be sending two to Metrolina next year. If it doesn't work out, then we will be homeschooling.: ) No, I can't do homescshooling! I'm just excited that we are doing this and being able to work with Jeff on a project together.

Sam

2007-11-06T23:09:00.001-05:00

I am just learning how to do all of the fun images but I haven't quite figured out how to get this on my other blog(where it's supposed to be). Oh well!

2007-11-06T22:51:00.001-05:00

A New Leaf

2007-11-06T22:27:00.001-05:00

Guess What? I am working really hard at becoming a better cook. There has always been a reason or excuse not to, but my time has come. Much to Jeff's delight, I am getting a little better. I am definitely not a Martha Stewart or even a Rachel Ray but I'm working on it. I will never be a Martha Stewart, her recipes scare me. I have never heard of half of the ingredients that she uses. Am I the only one? Well, in this endeavor, I have found a few good recipes and would like to share one tonight. Here it goes:

Apple Harvest Tart

1c. all purpose flour 1 egg
1/2 c butter 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 c. sugar,divided 3 apples peeled and sliced
2 tsp vanilla extract,divided Garnish with sliced almonds
8 oz pkg of cream cheese

Mix the flour,butter,1/3 cup sugar and 1 tsp vanilla; spread on the bottom of a round pie plate coated with non stick spray. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Blend cream cheese,egg,1/3 cup sugar and remaining vanilla together and spread over the baked crust. In a plastic zip lock bag, place remaining sugar and cinnamon and apples; shake until apple slices are well coated. Place apples on top filling mixture. Sprinkle almonds over all. Bake at 325 for 30-35 minutes. Makes 8-10 servings.

This is very good and can be made with light butter and light cream cheese. :0

Happy Birthday, Mom!

2007-11-04T21:36:00.000-05:00

Today is my Mom's Birthday! I love you, Mom! I just wanted to give you a little top ten list just to show you I care.

Top 10 Reasons Why You Gotta Love Our Mom:

10. She was the only Mom I knew that required her girls to wear hair bows everyday....until high school. I even feel guilty on the days Susanna doesn't have one in her hair.
9. Mom with a brush was a deadly combination. It meant she was either jerking the knots out of our hair or spanking us with the back of one.
8. She hired the best babysitters around. Well, if you don't count the one who stole her jewelry or the one who smacked us with a tape measurer.
7. She taught us all the staples of a good diet: Twizzlers and a Diet Coke.
6. I won't go too much into the details of this one, but my Mom, bless her heart, when she couldn't feed me, she let her best friend help. : )
5. She is pretty, smart and witty. Or was that pretty smart and witty?
4. She set so many fun traditions for our family for holidays that we all get just as excited about Christmas as the kids do. We used to all bounce on the bed on Christmas Eve and yell, "Tomorrow's Christmas!" Chris said that Holly still does it.
3. She has taught us all the importance of being in church. She still checks in with us. Not in a Mom way, but we know that we better be able to tell her that we were at church or we'll get that look.
2. She has set an example of being in the Word daily. She knows His Word and we have always seen her Bible out on her bed for as long as I can remember.
1. She loved our Dad through sickness and health. She set such an example of loving her husband through it all. It wasn't an easy road, but she was so strong.

Happy Birthday, Mom! We love you! You know that I do since I didn't post that picture. I had such a great witty caption for that picture too. It would have been hilarious.

My God

2007-11-02T22:57:00.001-04:00

Jeff and I have been hearing a great series on prayer by Andy Stanley at Ridge Church. The main focus of the series is about when the disciples asked Jesus how to pray and He responded with this. He also said that God already knows our needs before we ask of Him. The first sermon was about how we address God and calling Him our Father or our God. Well, I have been thinking about the many times that I have been shocked when someone has taken the Lord's name in vain. While it is wrong to take those words and not really acknowledge Him, I am learning that there are times when those words can be used to call out to Him. I was always taught to never say the words, Oh My God. I hate even writing those words but I have learned that we can cry out those words when we are calling to Him. I was telling Jeff that I can remember two instances when I have said that. I was so shocked that the words came out of my mouth, yet that was all I could say at the time. The first time was when Sam was in the hospital and I thought that he was going to die. He was having such a hard time breathing and was connected to so many machines and monitors. The whole scene was so hard to bear seeing him there struggling to breathe and eat. I remember staying up so many nights just saying, Oh my God, Oh my God. His presence would soon surround me with comfort and I knew He had heard me. The other time was the night that my Dad had passed away. We had just gotten to Mom and Dad's and Dad was unconscious in the bathroom. Holly and Jeff did the CPR and everyone else was just crying those same words. The night was a horrible, horrible night. Everyone was just crying out to God. None of us had ever prayed that way before. At least I don't think. I just remember saying that phrase outside as I waited for the ambulance and the whole way to the Hospital. It was the only thing that I could say. No other words seemed to form in my mouth that day and the following days. I don't know how we have made it this far without Dad, but I believe that He did hear us that night when we said those three "forbidden" words and He has helped us all. His presence was never felt more or ever been so sweet as in the days after His death. I am learning that maybe what I say in my prayers or the length of them is not so important as is the acknowledgement of Him as My God and the One who is ultimately in control. I thought about my Saviour, when on the cross, in human form, cried out this. When we feel the most forsaken, we recognize so quickly the need to call out to Him, our Father.

Halloween

2007-11-02T22:31:00.000-04:00

The kids had so much fun on Halloween. We went to Mom's neighborhood because it has so many houses and well, we are serious trick or treaters. Susanna was Belle with blond hair:), Luke was Spider man, Sam was a monkey and Eli wore the good old faithful giraffe costume. That costume is on its third round. All of the boys have worn it. Our cousin Max was the Man with the Yellow Hat and Jack was Curious George. They all looked so cute. We had the normal trick or treat meal of Chili and cornbread with hot apple cider. Luke even walked into a house and yelled, Hello?, when they didn't answer their door. Then, I gave them the opportunity of picking out 10 pieces of candy and selling us the rest. We are trying to be a little healthier and I had heard of this idea from another blog. This worked out really great. Tomorrow, they will go to pick out something small in exchange for their loot. I think that they are going to pick out a DVD for their trip to Florida coming up. They still have some of their 10 pieces left and are so excited to pick out something. I figure the 10 dollars will be a better exchange than the many dentist bills that we may face.

Pumpkin Patch

2007-11-02T14:20:00.000-04:00

We had a great time at the pumpkin patch with our family and friends, Jeff and Diane and their two kids. They were able to feed some animals and watch a cow being milked. : ) They also went on a hayride and picked out a pumpkin. It was a fun day!

Luke and Max... The Adventure Continues...

2007-11-02T14:12:00.000-04:00

Luke and Max were on their way to preschool with their favorite chauffeur. This is their conversation:

Luke: Hey Max, Let's shoot the cars with our spider web shooters.

Max: Ok

They pretend to shoot the cars with the pretend web shooters (their hands)

Luke: Max, your web shooter just broke.

Max: My webshooter is not broke. It's working!

Luke: No, Max, it's not working. I'm sorry Max.

Max: (begins to cry)

Luke: Ok, I'll fix it. Max, It's working again.

Then, they are back to shooting. Luke is such a stinker!

It's Time to Catch Up!

2007-11-02T13:31:00.001-04:00

I am not doing too good on this blog. I now have so much to update it with that it seems a little overwhelming. I'll start of with Susanna'a birthday. This was a couple of weeks ago. She had a party at a place for princesses. No boys were allowed. They had so much fun. They do everything for you. It was nice to relax and enjoy the party. We have always hosted the little parties and this was a nice change. I really enjoyed it. Susanna did too. I found out how shy she was during the runway show though. My sisters said that she reminded them of me. I love you Susanna!

A Day in the Life...

2007-10-19T14:52:00.000-04:00

This week has been a blur with birthday parties, Jeff traveling, taking Sam to his appointments, locking myself and the kids out of the car at the doctor's office,etc... Weeks like this make me so thankful for the nice calm weeks that we sometimes get to enjoy. Here is a sample of one of our days : Eli woke up yesterday morning with a swollen nose. It looked so funny. One of his nostrils was so swollen. Once I was able to get a better look at it, I noticed that there was something big, bright, and pink in there. I tried to get it out for a few minutes but it was stuck. Just as I was about to call the pediatrician, I tried one more time of pressing on it and trying to rub it down. Finally it came out. Yes, this was scary and unbelievable that he slept the whole night with one of Susanna's beads in his nose. Susanna had gotten a bracelet making kit for her birthday and apparently Eli had found a stray bead. Then, we rushed to get Sam to an appointment with Sam's pediatrician. Sam had a knot on his shin that I was worried about. Well, after the pediatrician confirmed to me what I had already begun thinking, that I was getting a little paranoid with Sam. Well, he didn't say that, but I am pretty sure that this is what he was thinking. It turns out that Sam must have had some sort of trauma to the shin and it has caused a little cyst that should go away. So, we left the office and went to the car only to see my keys dangling from the steering wheel with the doors locked. I have never done this before. Thankfully, I had the kids on the outside of the car with me, right Holly? The kids were both crying and wanting to run in the parking lot. The Doctor's office was closed for Lunch. So, I called Jeff who was in Baltimore and he sent out a locksmith to help me out. We waited for about an hour circling the parking lot in our stroller. I even noticed an elderly man peeking into all of the cars. It was so strange. Then, finally, a man pulled up to us in an old beat up Cadillac telling me that he was the Locksmith. This man looked like he has unlocked many cars and not through the business line of work, if you know what I mean. I don't know where Jeff got his name from but he did unlock the door with a big block of wood and a coat hanger. The good news is that he gave us a pretty good deal. All of this in a day and more.

Our Car Rides

2007-10-11T16:27:00.000-04:00

Every Tuesday and Thursday, Holly and I carpool to pick up Luke and Max from their preschool. These boys are the best of friends (at times) and have the funniest conversations. Here is how the conversation went today after I picked them up:

Max: Luke, why are you pushin me?

Luke: Max, I'm not pushin you, silly.

Max: Why did you squish me at your house?

Luke: (looks at me to see if I'm listening) then whispers, I'm sorry for squishin you.

Max: It's Ok. Next time you squish me, I won't cry. Ok, Luke?

Luke: OK... You promise???

Max: I promise.

Luke

2007-10-03T21:33:00.000-04:00

About a month ago, Luke went in for his 4 year check-up. Every thing was great except for the eye exam part. The pediatrician suggested that we get his eyes checked out. So, today, I took him to the eye doctor. He did fine with one of his eyes but could barely see anything with his other one. He could only see the top picture with his left eye. The doctor has told us that his left eye has sort of shut down and we have to build up its strength. So, he will be getting glasses and have to wear a patch on his good eye. I tried to put it on tonight and he cried and cried for me to take it off. He said he couldn't see. He really couldn't. Then, he thought that he would have to wear it to preschool. He kept saying that everyone would laugh at him. I was kind of surprised that this was even a thought in his head. Susanna would have said this, but I didn't think that Luke would care so much. He will not have to wear it to preschool since he only has to wear it for 6 hours a day. If you see him, please tell him what a cool pirate he is. I am so surprised that his sight was so bad, yet, looking back there were definitely some red flags. Luke likes to play soccer but gets very frustrated when he tries to catch a ball. He usually refuses to try. The doctor said that he probably sees 2 balls coming at him. He also falls all of the time. I always attributed it to the fact that he is always on the go. But I am thankful that we have caught this now and that we have so many ways to help his eyes get stronger. God is good. Even when we hit these little bumps in the road, He is good. I'll have to shamefully admit that many times in the past year, I have my own doubts and fears that sometimes cripple me. When I cry out to Him, I sometimes wonder is He really listening? Does he care about my little problems and worries? I love this verse " 1My voice rises to God, and I will (A)cry aloud; My voice rises to God, and He will hear me." He will hear me. That's all we need most of the time is to know that He hears and that He is listening. I just love that verse because it is so matter of fact, "He hears me." There's no doubt in that verse. He is good!

Cabarrus County Fair

2007-09-30T21:28:00.001-04:00

This Weekend

2007-09-30T21:01:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been such a great weekend. The weather this week is what I believe Heaven's weather will be like. It is so great! We have been outside most of the weekend and it has been so nice. The kids had their soccer game on Saturday. If you saw the last video I posted, you would have noticed how hard it was for Luke to concentrate during the game. The last two weeks, we have bribed him and he is doing much better. I know I won't win any parenting awards with that strategy but I think that I have been out of the running since I gave birth to Susanna. But, it works with Luke so we will stick with it. Today, we were able to visit another church. It is so hard to be visiting around. I hate not belonging anywhere. It is a tough transition. We just hope that we find one soon. It will be so nice to have a church home. We are really taking this seriously and praying that God will help us to have an open heart and discernment as we choose a church.

T-r-o-u-b-l-e

2007-09-11T14:19:00.000-04:00

Meet Elijah... This child is into everything. He has destroyed more things than anyone I know. This week, Elijah has blessed us with bleach stains on the carpet, drawings on the wall, ruined his clothes with my lipstick (also ruining my lipstick),toilet paper all over the bathroom, bite marks on Sam, and bubble bath poured all over the bathroom floor. This is all I can think of at the moment, but I am sure there is more. Oh yeah, he poured out all of the salt on the floor. I am still picking it up. The salt one makes me laugh because when Sam's therapist came over to the house, she kept looking at the kitchen table and floor. I had not yet discovered what Eli had done. Now, I'm wondering if she thought that I had a little business on the side. I'm just kidding, but it did look kind of funny. That's our Elijah... But, he is so cuddly and he wrinkles his nose when he laughs, and he loves to rub your arm when he's sleepy. He also yells, "Mommy" in the middle of the night. When I come in there, he just grunts until I pick him up. It's kind of cute. :) He's a little stinker, but he makes life lots of fun.

Bend It Like Luke

2007-09-08T22:13:00.000-04:00

I know this may not be as amusing to you as it was to us, but Luke just cracks us up. We got quite a few laughs today. He did score a goal....for the other team. :) We had told him that if he ever scores a goal we would celebrate with ice cream. So guess what we did today? We went out for ice cream. We couldn't break it to him that it was for the wrong team. Notice that Luke has way more important things to do such as untuck his arm from his shirt. Susanna chose to stay down in Greenville with her friends so she is not in this one.

Susanna's First Day Of Kindergarten

2007-09-08T21:38:00.001-04:00

Boys only weekend +Me

2007-09-07T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well, Susanna is not here tonight and with her friends. This is her first sleepover apart from family. I know it is only one night but I miss her already. There's just something about having all of the kids under one roof. But, I will survive... Luke has his first soccer game tomorrow morning. He is so funny out there on the field during practice. I think that he is going to drive his coach crazy but it just cracks me up. The coach will set up cones for them to dribble around with the ball but he will just go straight and avoid the cones altogether. I am just hoping that Luke does not score any goals for the other team if the goal is closer. I'll try and get a little video of it to put on here for Papa and Grandma. He is the smallest one out there but he is so cute in those way too big shorts and soccer shirt!

I Married My Dad

2007-09-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

Today, Susanna was invited to go with some friends to Greenville for tomorrow night. Susanna was so excited to go. All day she has been talking about it. Well, tonight she realized that she will be missing her first soccer game. She was crying saying that she wanted to go with her friends but she didn't want to miss her game. She kept saying that she didn't want to hurt any one's feelings.(Her soccer team or her friends that will be going to Greenville for the night) So, what does Jeff do? He told her that he would drive down there and pick her up Saturday morning so that she could do both. Greenville is about a 2 hour drive and Susanna's game starts at 9am. Jeff will be leaving at about 4:30am so that Susanna will make it to her game. I know, I know... Susanna will probably grow up thinking that her Dad will always bail her out. MMMM...this reminds me of the crazy things my Dad would do for his girls. What is it about a Daddy and their little girls?

First Try Video

2007-09-06T20:53:00.000-04:00

Tough Decisions

2007-09-03T21:43:00.000-04:00

This year seems to be filled with tough decisions for Jeff and I. We have had to decide on where to send Susanna to school. Would you believe that we had her enrolled in 3 different schools up until the week before school? This does not include the very distant thought of homeschooling her. We struggled with this for so long. We did decide to send her to a Christian school and she loves it. I am glad that we chose this option. I don't know what we'll do next year when Luke goes but we'll see. Secondly, we had to make the decision to start Sam on growth hormone treatment. This was extremely scary for me personally. I hate to give the kids any kind of drug unless they are very sick. I am just a tad bit afraid of the unknown. I even get a little nervous about getting their vaccines. I delay them a little just to make myself feel better. So, making the decision to give him this new treatment was extremely hard. Jeff is much better about this. He is the calm,cool, and collected one. Well, we weighed our options and prayed about this and felt that this was the best course of treatment for him. So far, we've seen pretty good results with them. Then, Jeff and I have had to make a very tough but private decision this past week. This was a tough, tough decision. Why do we have to make these decisions in our lives? Why doesn't God just tell us what to do? I think that I am learning why. Sometimes these decisions make us learn and realize how much we need Him. I am glad to know that He is with us and will gently guide us. Well, most of the time He gently guide us, sometimes it's more like a kick in the rear. Nevertheless, I am thankful that He teaches me to rely on Him.

Dirty Laundry

2007-08-30T22:06:00.001-04:00

Our family went on vacation about 3 and a half weeks ago. Since I wanted to really enjoy the vacation, I did not do much laundry while we were there. Well, we came home with probably 10-12 loads of laundry. This includes beach towels, linens, crib sheets, bath towels, as well as clothes. Well, I have still not recovered. I have done about 5 loads of laundry a day since we have been home. At this very moment, there is probably 5 loads to do in all of the rooms' hampers. I cannot catch up. I do an extra load outside of the normal maintenance loads, and one of the kids will spill a gallon of milk on the floor. There goes another load of towels. Then, one will take off his diaper in the middle of the night(WHY?) and the cycle continues. I think that I am going to have to head to a laundromat so that I can put 10 loads in at a time and be done with it. But the bottom line is that it makes me realize that the more we clothes that we have, not only costs extra money but costs us alot of extra time. I feel the need for decluttering coming on. Every month or so, I go through all of the kids clothes or toys and get rid of the things that we can do without. Why? Because eventually all of the stuff that they have to enjoy eventually robs us of the time to play. And all of the stuff begins to control our lives. We will spend hours after hours cleaning it all up only to do it all over again and little or no time reading, playing outside, learning about God and just that time to really invest in their lives. This is something that God has spoken to me about lately. I yearn for a closer walk with Him. So, I do little things that I think are what He wants. Yet as I spend my time doing the work, I clutter my life up so much that I don't have the time to spend with Him. Before long, they very One I was trying to get closer to is further than ever. It's time to declutter my home and my priorities.

Our Day in a Nutshell...

2007-08-23T18:41:00.000-04:00

Well, today we started early by sending Susanna off to kindergarten. It was a little harder than I expected. She absolutely loved it though. All she wants to talk about is what outfit she is going to wear tomorrow and what she wants packed in her lunch. Here we go. She was so funny when she was telling me about having to walk in the hallway with her finger on her lips and a hand on her hip. She said, "Mom, it looks so silly! Isn't that crazy that we have to walk that way?" I laughed because I would not have liked it either. After we dropped her off, Luke, Sam , Eli, and I cleaned out the car. It was in desperate need of it. My car would have won an award for messiest today. I cannot figure out how to keep a car clean. But, it does look good now. It may only last a day or so, but I am enjoying it while it lasts. Then, we went to the Park before it got too hot. We have hardly been outside lately because the heat is almost unbearable. It was so nice to get out today. It is funny how much the dynamics of our family change without Susie. Susanna would have all of the boys playing house on the playground,for sure. But today, Luke was playing superhero and forcing his brothers to go down the slide. It was so neat to see Luke lead his brothers and do some stuff he's probably wanted to do for so long. He loved being the oldest one at home. I explained to him that he will need to step it up with helping with his little brothers. He was beaming. All day, he has been saying, Now, boys, this is how you do this...
He loves his sister but is learning to be unique. He looks up to her so much and tries to be just like her. He gets easily frustrated if she does anything better than him. Sometimes he just gives up. I want Luke to recognize the uniqueness of being Luke and how special that God made Him. They both are playing soccer on the same team. They love it! Susanna played last year and this is Luke's first year. As you can guess, Luke gets a little distracted on the field but he does enjoy it. We''ll see how it goes.

Happy Birthday

2007-08-15T20:55:00.000-04:00

To You and You!

Happy Birthday to Kent! You are a wonderful brother and I am so thankful for you. You have stepped up big time in taking care of Mom. Dad would be so proud of you! I love you!

Happy Birthday to my Mother in Law! I love you and am so thankful for you. I often hear about mother in law horror stories and am often reminded of how truly blessed I am. I don't have any stories to tell but good ones. Thank you for raising a wonderful family that I am so glad to be a part of. We all love you and miss you guys!

The heat returns...

2007-08-15T20:33:00.000-04:00

Well, our AC has quit working for the second time this week. It sure makes me thankful for when it is working. The irony of it is that Holly's went out this week,too. We gave her the number of the people we used the first time and they came to her house that same day. So, today, we called them and asked them to come and fix it and they said that they would be out on Tuesday of next week. What? We found out that since we are getting this service through our home warranty, which Holly was not, we would be put on the bottom of the list. They know that we have to use them. Things like these tend to fire me up. I am trying to keep my testimony, but I am very tempted to give them a piece of my mind. As you can see, I have trouble being in a good mood when I am hot and my kids are fussy because they are hot, too. We stayed at Mom's house over the weekend and are trying to give her a break. I'll probably be there tomorrow night anyways since Jeff is out of town.
Jeff is taking Kent down to Honor Academy in Tyler, Texas. He will be there for a year. I cannot believe my little bro is going to college. We are sure going to miss you, Bub. The kids want you to call them often.

Wow!

2007-08-13T10:20:00.001-04:00

I cannot believe it has been a month since I last posted. We have so much to write about but I will do that later. We got home from vacation on Saturday and our AC is not working. We began to unpack and Sam was drenched in sweat in about 2 minutes. So, we have been staying with Mom until the AC is fixed. Should be today. It has been over 100 degrees in Charlotte. Whew! The beach wasn't so bad because we had a good breeze and the water to cool off in. This is terrible without a pool, though. Hint, Hint, Jeff! I have been begging Jeff to get a pool. Jeff, being raised in Fla does not see the benefits of getting a pool when you can only use it for 4 months out of the year. :) I love to swim. I probably would not get very much accomplished because I would be in the pool all of the time. Well, the last time that we had this kind of weather during the summer, we had a great winter. Lots of snow and snowdays! Today, that sounds so great!

Joy In the Morning

2007-07-11T22:34:00.000-04:00

I don't know why, but today I really miss my Dad. Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that he is not here. For instance, my brother Kent has his old cell phone and cell number and his car. Sometimes when Kent calls, I will think for a second that it is Dad. Or when I see his car, I will think, Dad's home. I know that this sounds weird. We all miss him. Nothing is the way it used to be and I hate that. I wish that he were here to see my kids. I have a hard time accepting the fact that my kids will probably not remember him as they get older. He loved them so much. My children are blessed with 3 wonderful grandparents. They all love them so much. But, they should have had their Grampa Dwyer, too. When I worried about Sam and his health, Dad would just listen and encourage me. He would reassure me that everything was going to be OK. I always believed him. He did that for my sisters, my brother, and my Mom. It seems like we all need him right now. I think that is why it is hitting so hard at this moment. Everyone seems to be going through some hard times and we all feel kind of lost without him. I had no idea how much pain people are in when they a lose a dear loved one. The magnitude is incomprehensible unless you have been through it. Since the death of my Dad, I look at people so differently. I remember the first time that I went anywhere after he died, which happened to be Walmart, go figure. Anyways, it felt so silly and weird to be there. I kept thinking, "How can I shop for groceries when he is not here?" Why is everyone smiling? But, the thing I remember the most is wondering how many people here are experiencing pain so heavy and terrible yet are forced to continue living. We all still have to go to Walmart. It's not just for the soccer moms, the PTA presidents, the Sunday school teachers, and everyone else who we think has it all together. There are people all around us who have just found out devastating news, has a sick child, lost a loved one,yet still has to buy milk and diapers. How can life simply go on? Without the ones we loved? We have to.. It is our calling. He has called us to get through. He will carry us through. He hurt the way we hurt. He has already paved the paths that we have to walk through. He watched His loved one die, too. A death so painful that He had to turn away. Yet, His Son's death was necessary so that our own pain would not last forever. He has promised to wash away every tear. I cannot wait for that day. Often at night, I grieve, I worry, and I stress. I guess that this is normal because the Lord has given us a promise regarding this. He does truly give us joy in the morning. The fears are not so heavy and the grief is not so strong when the sun comes up. The kids get in our bed and soon remind me of the joys that He has filled my cup with. It does run over.

I'm sorry about the topic being a little less perky, but I needed to write. Tomorrow, I'll be back to the adventures of the family.

Kids Say The Cutest Things

2007-07-05T23:13:00.000-04:00

Tonight, the kids and I went for a walk while Jeff mowed the yard. As we were walking, a couple of girls drove by in a convertible. Susanna goes, "Mommy, I will never drive a car without a lid on it. They are so dangerous. Why don't they have a lid on it?" It was funny. She is definitely the little Mother Hen. Yesterday, my brother Kent's dog kept following Susie around the house. Susanna asked my Mom why the dog was following her all over the place. My Mom told her that the dog just really liked her. Then, Susie said, "But Grandma, I just need some alone time for a little bit." Mom got a kick out of it. I did too.

A Bit Overwhelming...

2007-07-02T21:08:00.000-04:00

Luke and Susanna have been misbehaving quite a bit today. I don't have a voice to get on to them. My voice has been gone for about 2 days now. Let's just say that it has been a little rough today. Is it normal to have days that you feel as though you are failing as a parent? I mean, some days when everything is going wrong, I think about all of the things that could and should be done better. It sometimes terrifies me to think of this great responsibility that God has given Jeff and I. How can I make sure that they will love the Lord, love others, have a vision for their lives, be strong, know how to brush their teeth for 2 minutes, tie their shoes, sit up straight at the table, have good manners, be polite,play an instrument, button their pants,learn to write,know how to read, know their addresses,know not to talk to strangers, eat all their vegetables and fruit,be able to play ball, clean their rooms without hiding stuff under their bed, share with each other,know all the little songs that I want them to know, speak uplifting words and not words that tear down,stay away from drugs? OK, I know I am getting a little ahead of myself but the task does seem a little overwhelming, especially today. How do you have time in the day to prepare them for life? I don't mean to sound negative. I love and enjoy raising them. It would be so easy to get them to just survive this world. But, we want so much for them to thrive in this world. I want them to know that God has a purpose for their lives and a plan. He wants them to glorify Him, live and breathe His Word, show others His love, and be Kingdom-Minded. How can Jeff and I do this? We make so many mistakes, it's scary. I mean, sometimes I wonder if we even have a chance of turning out kids that are normal. We can't do it alone. We need Him every moment of every day. I think that is where I often lose focus. We can't do it alone. It's too big of a task to do without His guidance every day. I am so glad, that even though today I probably snapped at my kids too many times that His grace will see us through.

Zones

2007-06-29T22:04:00.000-04:00

Today, Holly and I took the kids to the fabric store (Holly's idea) and then to ChickfilA to let the kids play on the playground. Every time that we do this, we realize that it is so hard to get anything done with all of the kids. Holly thought that maybe we could handle all going to the fabric store. No! I remember those days with my Mom. Out of all the stores to go with her, it was our least favorite. She would take hours deciding on what to buy. I think that our kids had the same opinion. They were going crazy. We try to get most of our errands ran on Fridays. I can usually handle them at Target, at Walmart, the grocery stores, some restaurants(kid friendly ones). I have named these the Green Zone. The kids will behave and everyone expects kids to be in those stores. Then, we have a few places considered the Yellow Zone. This means that they are mildly hazardous. It could work out and the kids will be great or it could turn into a disaster. These places are the Mall, Lowes or Home Depot, or places like TJ Maxx or Ross. I think that the problem with these stores is that the kids don't have much to look at. But, there are some places that I rarely venture with the kids: the library, the fabric store, Doctor's Appointments, and fine specialty stores. I would refer to these as the Red Zone. These places are extremely hazardous. No, I do not shop at fine specialty stores. But if I were to, I wouldn't bring the kids. These places do not appreciate kids with an extra bit of energy. If we go to any of these places, I can count on a few stern looks from workers and it makes me nervous. So , we avoid these.

The kids did have fun at ChickfilA though. It was about 100 degrees, but they didn't seem to mind. Sam and Eli were so funny trying to keep up with the big kids on the playground. We had a good day! Tomorrow morning, Susie and I have a date...yard sale. Susie loves it.

Too many fish in the Sea?

2007-06-27T22:52:00.000-04:00

Today, we went with Holly and my friend Ally to the pool. We have 11 kids total. My kids love the pool and would go every day if they could. It is their favorite summertime activity. There are 2 reasons we don't go as much as we'd like.

1. Bathing Suits Required....Enough said.

2. The kids give me a heart attack every time. I continually count in my head...1--2---3--4 kids. Whew! But, sometimes for a brief second, I only get to 3 and panic. I hate that feeling. Sam likes to run around the pool and Susanna is swimming without floaties most of the time. They both make me so nervous.

Besides the heart attacks and the bathing suit issue, we had a great time. Next time we go, we'll bring Dad so they can show him all their new tricks. Susie, Luke, and Sam are going to take swim lessons at the Y in a couple of weeks. I could not believe how cheap the lessons were. We'll see if they are good. Sam will be in a parent and me swim class. I used to teach swim lessons, but they wanted "real" swim lessons. Why don't Moms count as teachers?

Cricket

2007-06-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

Today, we are celebrating Kristi's birthday. I thought for the occasion that I would write the top ten things that make my sister so unique.

Top Ten List
10. She says, "Nesty" when she really means "Nasty". She says this all of the time.
9. She is the only one that I know that mispronounces her own name. On her voicemail it says, "This is Kr-i-e-s-ty." She is the only one of us that has such an accent.
8. If something is about to fall or she sees that you are about to get clobbered in the head by a falling object, she will just cover her ears. No, she doesn't come to your rescue, she just covers those ears and watches the action.
7. All of the kids love her. Is it the fact that she always brings candy?
6. She is the only one I know that can eat peanut M&M's and not a gain an ounce. It's enough to make me sick.
5. I will never forget the time that I threw a stool at Holly when I was little. (Very little) She reminded me of that incident anytime she needed to. For years, she would threaten me with that. She still does. Ok, Kristi, it is out in the open. Mom knows now!
4. She knows what she likes. She will never wear bright clothes or big earrings. Never!
3. She will watch the same movies over and over. I cannot understand this. I feel that one time is plenty, but Kristi will say that they are having a movie night. I will ask what they are watching and she will say something like, While You Were Sleeping, Sleepless In Seattle, or Ever After. She will enjoy them each time as if it were the first time watching it.
2. On a more serious note, she is very loyal. Rarely will utter a negative comment about anyone. She gets this from my Dad. And Mom too!:)
1. I think that I should have saved number 2 for number 1 on the list. I wanted to end it on a good note. So, just switch them in your head. Kristi loves a new adventure. She is on her 3rd or 4th college now. Hey, change is good!
Love you, Kristi! Happy Birthday!

Exciting News...

2007-06-22T14:48:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not pregnant. At least I don't think so. I'm just kidding! This past Sunday, Susanna accepted Jesus into her heart. There is nothing in the world better than that. She is very excited about it. I will have to post more about it later when I get a little more time.

Being A Kid

2007-06-22T14:41:00.000-04:00

The kids have all been playing outside in our little pool all day. They love it. Susanna and Luke like to run and jump in to it. We have also put it under their swingset slide so they can slide right into it. They put the hose on the top of the slide and have their own built in water park. While they were running and jumping into the pool, Luke said, "Mommy, don't you wish that you could be a little kid like us?" It was cute. Yes, sometimes I do. I miss those days of being so carefree.

The Library

2007-06-21T13:47:00.000-04:00

I love the library. The kids are always excited to get new books to read. We just don't make it there often enough. I remember my mom taking us there once a week and letting us pick out 3 books. When I was little, I always chose the books about holidays. If there was a book with a Christmas tree on it or an Easter bunny, it was mine. I remember when Mom let us get more than 3. I loved to read and 3 books was not quite cutting it. Now, I can see why she limited us. Last night, I made a run to the Library and paid off our late fees. If I had known how much I owed, I would have asked for some sort of installment plan. I can never get a system for picking up the books and returning them all on time. Not to mention finding them. Why do library books end up in the weirdest spots? I have found them in the deep,dark pits of the car, buried in the couch between the cushion and the frame, in the pantry, and in the kids' drawers. It is amazing how those books always hide. I have figured out that the library is not really your friend if you have little kids. It is impossible to go there and stay under radar. Somedays, when the kids are behaving well, we will make our way there. BUT...something always happens. One of the babies will cry because they are thirsty, the kids will loudly protest about my rule of only 1 book with a cartoon character in it, or we will drop our whole stack of books, or knock over a couple of videos. The Librarians will give us that look, and our stay will be over. I usually vow to never bring the kids back in with me. Yet, we still make attempts. One day, we will be that family that is quiet and stares at other people and their kids when they get noisy. Yes, one day, my kids will be quietly sitting and studying. One Day... But for now, I'll take this rowdy bunch over the quiet ones anyday. Well, most days.:)

Rub A Dub,Dub, Three Boys In A Tub

2007-06-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

Our Bath time can get a little bit out of control. :)

Wilmington

2007-06-17T16:31:00.000-04:00

Have you ever asked the Lord for confirmation on something that He has told you to change or do in your life? Last week ,the Lord had been telling me something that I needed to change and do. I, being a hard-headed person, asked the Lord to reveal it clearly. I even asked Him to pound me in the head with it, so that it would be so clear to me. Well, He did! In an article that I was reading, it had a statement about the very thing that God was dealing with me. Then, in the neatest way, God revealed it again. Jeff and I went to Wilmington to get away and refocus. Jeff had arranged that we would take a 1 hour carriage ride tour. By the way, it is such a beautiful city! Well, our driver was a young man, about our age I would guess. He began to talk to us about the city and then asked us if we were born again believers. After we told him that we were, he said that he just wanted to share with us what the Lord has been revealing to him. He got out his Bible and began to read to us from Joel and Zechariah. Two books of the Bible that are not given a lot of attention. Well, he shared with us and encouraged us the whole hour. It was awesome. He loved the Lord and it was evident that the Lord brought him to us to speak encouragement as well as convict me about the very thing that God had already been dealing with me on. The verses that he read were just the words that I needed to hear. (mostly Joel 2) Yes, he read most of the chapter. Well, as we were getting out, he asked if he could pray with us. I don't believe in coincidences. God had ordained that carriage ride long before Jeff had secretly arranged it. He put that man there to speak the words that we needed to hear. How awesome is that! And, Sunday, our Pastor spoke to us about Jonah, his disobedience, his sleep, etc... It was a powerful sermon and just what I needed to hear. 25 people got saved at our campus. I will tell about that later tonight! The Lord will not let us sleep when changes need to be made. He definitely made it to clear to me. I love that about the Lord. He draws us to Him and even answers our requests for confirmation.