Happy Birthday Susanna!

Updates and Pictures

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but we have been so busy as we have had school beginning, Sam's surgery, and lots of company. Sam's surgery went beautifully and I'm so excited to tell everyone that there is already a noticeable difference with his speech. For those of you who don't know me that well, Sam, my third child, was born with a cleft lip and palate. He is an amazing child and making the decision to have another surgery is never easy. I can't wait to post a picture of him that we took with our new camera. This past Saturday, we had a garage sale and used the money to buy a camera. Our old one waited to take the picture until after the kids had long left the scene. For my kids, we need a fast one. You know what I mean???
Speaking of pictures, my friend Kristen took some family pictures for us a couple of weeks ago. They turned out really well and I'm thrilled to have some candid shots of the kids, rather than the typical poses. If you live in this area, give her a call. She does great work, and if she got all four of my kids to look at the camera at the same time, well, that is just simply amazing. For a peek at these, you can go here.
Thank you for your continued prayers. I feel as though I am stuck between grief and learning how to function again. The new Normal... Some days are hard to get out of bed and other days, I am able to more easily. My blogger friend, Angie Smith, wrote a post about women who have lost babies through infant death, stillbirths, and miscarriages. She asked everyone who has ever experienced the loss of a baby to comment on her blog. I was amazed and somewhat comforted to read about other women and their struggles. God bless each and everyone of them on this day of recognition. Today is the National Day Of Remembrance for all of these women. I wish that I could tell you how God has become even more real to me as I am dealing with this immense pain.
Lastly, today is my daughter, Susanna's birthday. She is seven!!! My how time flies! I have learned through the loss of Andrew how extremely precious life is. I am so thankful to have been blessed with a girl with such a sweet and tender heart. She is the boys' second mother. I love you Susanna and I couldn't be prouder of you. May you walk with the Lord everyday of your life. Know that He has made you beautiful inside and out. I love you!

My Beautiful Boy

A poem for my Baby Drew

Today is the day I expected you to be born
Yet today I expect to visit your grave.

Today is the day I prepared our nursery for
Yet today I begin to put away the those bittersweet memories.

Today is the day I longed for
Yet today I have dreaded.

Today is the day I expected to beg my doctor to induce labor
Yet today I will see him for a post-partum appointment.

Today is the day I expected to be most joyful
Yet today I am mostly sad.

Today is the day that I would likely celebrate your birthday
Yet today I remember your death.

Today is the day I've prepared for by buying you new clothes
Yet today they hang in the closet, painful reminders of what was supposed to be.

Today is the day I expected to share our home with visitors,
Yet today the house is painfully silent.

Today we were going to have our family picture made
Yet today there are none to be found.

Today was to begin all the tomorrows with you,
Yet all I think about are the yesterdays.

"With the Lord, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day."

II Peter 3:8

Yesterday my arms were empty

Tomorrow I will hold you.

Yesterday I missed you terribly

Tomorrow I will never be apart from you.

Yesterday was filled with pain

Tomorrow there will be no tears.

Yesterday our family was fragmented

Tomorrow our family will be whole again.

Yesterday we could not make sense of this tragedy

Tomorrow we will understand.

Yesterday we questioned God's goodness

Tomorrow we will worship Him together.

Yesterday you spent with Jesus

Tomorrow we will join you.

Baby, until tomorrow...

Please Pray...

When Drew was born, we had a photographer take pictures of him and us. Jeff and I have misplaced her card and we are desperate to see those pictures. Please pray that we find her as she told us to contact her for them after 6 weeks. We just want to see them so badly, This week has been very difficult for me. I just miss the baby that should be here so terribly. As my due date approaches, it seems surreal that he won't be here with us. Mornings seem to be the hardest as I often wake up thinking that I'm still pregnant. Then, realizing that I need to get through another day seems so overwhelming. Looking at my own children makes me so sad. I just think about which one he would have been most like. I know that one day this pain won't be so bad, but I also know that a piece of me will always be gone. Thank you all so much for your prayers.