Joy In the Morning

I don't know why, but today I really miss my Dad. Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks that he is not here. For instance, my brother Kent has his old cell phone and cell number and his car. Sometimes when Kent calls, I will think for a second that it is Dad. Or when I see his car, I will think, Dad's home. I know that this sounds weird. We all miss him. Nothing is the way it used to be and I hate that. I wish that he were here to see my kids. I have a hard time accepting the fact that my kids will probably not remember him as they get older. He loved them so much. My children are blessed with 3 wonderful grandparents. They all love them so much. But, they should have had their Grampa Dwyer, too. When I worried about Sam and his health, Dad would just listen and encourage me. He would reassure me that everything was going to be OK. I always believed him. He did that for my sisters, my brother, and my Mom. It seems like we all need him right now. I think that is why it is hitting so hard at this moment. Everyone seems to be going through some hard times and we all feel kind of lost without him. I had no idea how much pain people are in when they a lose a dear loved one. The magnitude is incomprehensible unless you have been through it. Since the death of my Dad, I look at people so differently. I remember the first time that I went anywhere after he died, which happened to be Walmart, go figure. Anyways, it felt so silly and weird to be there. I kept thinking, "How can I shop for groceries when he is not here?" Why is everyone smiling? But, the thing I remember the most is wondering how many people here are experiencing pain so heavy and terrible yet are forced to continue living. We all still have to go to Walmart. It's not just for the soccer moms, the PTA presidents, the Sunday school teachers, and everyone else who we think has it all together. There are people all around us who have just found out devastating news, has a sick child, lost a loved one,yet still has to buy milk and diapers. How can life simply go on? Without the ones we loved? We have to.. It is our calling. He has called us to get through. He will carry us through. He hurt the way we hurt. He has already paved the paths that we have to walk through. He watched His loved one die, too. A death so painful that He had to turn away. Yet, His Son's death was necessary so that our own pain would not last forever. He has promised to wash away every tear. I cannot wait for that day. Often at night, I grieve, I worry, and I stress. I guess that this is normal because the Lord has given us a promise regarding this. He does truly give us joy in the morning. The fears are not so heavy and the grief is not so strong when the sun comes up. The kids get in our bed and soon remind me of the joys that He has filled my cup with. It does run over.






I'm sorry about the topic being a little less perky, but I needed to write. Tomorrow, I'll be back to the adventures of the family.