Not Me Monday

1. After the waiter brought out the Guacamole Live,he noticed that we had not been asked for our orders for drinks. So he asked if we needed a drink. I did not say, "Yes, that would be nice and please bring them out before the dessert. Nope not me.
2. I did not look at a dishwasher full of clean dishes and decide why not add three glasses and run it again?
3.I did not rush my husband and two boys with their cousin out the door for their weekend of camping. nope.
4. It would be funny to think that as I was holding a platter from a recipe party and needed to pick up the keys from the floor that it would be an impossible task to get up. Not me. It wouldn't have been funny either.
5. I would never think about throwing out my husbands bright orange Crocs. Not me. Just. can't. find. them.

updates, updates, updates...

Well, when you've been gone from blogging for as long as I have, it is so hard to decide what to write. So, I'll just update you about each of us. Then, hopefully, we'll be ready to go. I am doing well throughout this pregnancy. Our little man is quite active which reassures me constantly of the life that we've been given. I thank God that he moves so much. I've hardly had any reason to panic or worry. We are coming up on the week that we lost Drew which does make me a bit nervous. We miss him so much. My life will never be the same. The hurt and the sadness will always be there, but we do have hope. We have picked a special name for our next baby. We wanted a name that would honor the life of Drew. I'll put it on here as soon as we have the middle name set. We've gone back and forth on this. I will be induced at 37 weeks which is about 7 weeks from now. It would be a huge understatement to say that I am so excited that I can hardly stand it. I've learned to cherish life and it never gets old. I am blessed.

We have had such a busy summer. We were able to go to Nebraska to visit my Mom for a week or so. It was a road trip... but lots of fun. The kids had such a great time on the farm. Then, we were able to go the mountains to visit with Jeff's family for a few days. We were able to stay in a cabin (that's my way of camping!ha) and enjoyed the cool weather. Then, my sister, Holly, who had moved to Miami, brought her crew here for a three week visit. Holly and her husband Chris took off for Peru in the middle of the trip and left their little ones to stay here with me and my sister Katie. The cousins are enjoying their time together.

Our third child, Sam, will be having surgery next week. We always dread his surgeries which have been much to frequent for us. He will just be getting a few minor procedures done though.
Speaking of Sam, he brings us so much joy. We were devastated to find out that he would be born with a cleft and then later to find out that there would be other issues as well. But our Sammy has taught us so much and is the happiest child you would ever meet. I am reminded every day to be content in my circumstances through Sam. I want to be like him when I grow up. :)

This is all I can think of for now...but will be back to blogging. :)

Author's Day

This one is for the grandparents. Susanna and Luke's school had an Author's Day recently. It was so neat to see their stories that they had written. Susanna's story was selected to be acted out by the Charlotte Children's Theatre. We knew that they would be doing it but had no idea which of her stories that they had chosen. You'll love the title! She loves to write and carries a notebook with her all of the time. I love to see her get her confidence boosted in something that she really enjoys. Here it is:

Susanna saved her Daddy from embarassment when she said that it wasn't a true story. I think it just might have been. Oh,and no, that is not Jeff playing himself. Ha!

Brotherly Love

Yes, Sam and Eli absolutely love each other. They are the best of friends. But, they have had their moments.

Here's the untold story:

Yes, Sam received a shiner from Eli. They were fighting over a toy and Eli slung it in the air. Guess where it landed? You got it! Boys, I tell you. I don't know who was more upset about it. Sam, Eli, or Luke? They were all crying. Sam was crying because it hurt, Eli was crying because he was in trouble, and Luke was crying because he hated to see Sam hurt. They really do love each other, I promise!

I love a man in a uniform!

This is my little slugger, Luke. He has been playing t-ball for the first time. He is so cute playing ball. I think his favorite part is the drinks and snacks afterwards. The coach always gives out a game ball to a player that did really well during that particular game. Luke always thinks he's going to get it.

And...

He got it a couple of games ago. He was so proud to get it!

We're having a...

We think??? After several scans, she was still not sure. Our little one would not cooperate. The sonographer did get one quick glance and was pretty sure that it was a boy. She would like me to stop by at my next visit just to make sure. I asked her how confident she was, and she said about 95 percent. So, I'm going with it but am still a little hesitant to start buying blue. Yes, we gave away all of the clothes that we had for Drew. We knew it would be too hard to keep the ones we had picked out for him as well as the ones he was getting from his brothers. Anyways, I am very excited about buying a few new things. After caring for four babies, I know exactly what I like. Anything that is soft!:) No collars for this baby! We are going to unashamedly be spoiling him rotten. We are so thrilled about this precious new life and cannot wait to be able to hold him in our arms.

A song you shoud hear...

Have you ever just hit a wall and felt the need to hear from God? You know, a fresh word, a comforting touch, something that reminds you of His love for you? This morning as I lay in bed, I knew that I would not be going to church because my youngest son's allergies had caused his eyes to swell shut. I wanted to hear from God. I needed to hear from Him. Jeff was on the computer which is in our room. I asked him to look up a song for me. I told him that I had no idea what it was about but that I had heard of the title through a friend's facebook status. It was by Mandisa, one of the American idol finalists who never shyed away from her faith. I hope this song blesses all of you who are hurting, who have lost precious loved ones, just as it blessed me this morning. Jeff and I were not prepared for the tears that began to flow from both of us after hearing it and then learning who she wrote it for. Here it is:http://www.lala.com/song/576742274785020115

It is called "You Wouldn't Cry..." or "Andrew's Song". Yes, isn't that amazing! But what's even more amazing is that she wrote it for a woman who lost her baby Andrew who was stillborn. She had said that she wanted to find a song that would be from Andrew's perspective and couldn't find one. So, she wrote her own. It's not just Andrew's song, it's the song of all our loved ones who have gone on before us to meet our Saviour. I hope that it encourages you, comforts you, and reminds you as it did for me today. I was just blown away this morning as I had no idea what this song was about.

Announcing...

Jeff and I are expecting our 6th baby. We must have found out very early because we are not as far along as we had first believed. We are not able to hold in our excitement and I cannot wait to tell you a few more details about this baby. But that is a very long post. Will you join us in lifting up this baby in prayer? We will never ever be able to replace Andrew and the news of this pregnancy does not take away any of the hurt and longing for him. But, we are incredibly excited. It absolutely never gets old. The expectancy of a new baby is by far one of the most exciting things that could happen. So, I'm showing and it's time to get some new maternity clothes. How about this one?

Snow Day

Eli




Sam



Susanna, Eli, and Luke

On my mind...

Something I'm learning...Don't ever use the excuse of being real or being relevant as a reason to not be holy. The Lord commands us to be holy because He is. We are to be imitators of Him and not of this world. I'm guilty of this. So many times, I will share with a friend or family member something I may be struggling with. Not for the purpose of repenting and changing. I just share it so they can tell me that they struggle with it also. I then give myself a little pat on the back for being real and I feel much better about myself. I think to myself, See, everyone struggles with it, even other GOOD Christians. We do this all of the time. Sometimes it's a TV show, our marriages, how we raise our children. We just compare ourselves to our friends, our pastors, our family. And it reassures us of our standing with God. This can be very dangerous. Soon, we look just like those around us but hardly resemble Jesus at all.

I Peter 1:15,16- "But as He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, be ye holy; for I am holy."

Something that's bothering me... I don't understand why everyone keeps saying how proud they are of our country for electing President Obama. I don't get it. Yes, we can say that racial barriers have been broken. I don't care if our President is red, yellow, black, or white...if He acknowledges Jesus as His Lord and seeks to serve Him, then I would be excited. We now have a president who will most likely separate our country more than ever. This time it will not be a racial separation, but a religious one. He has already signed multiple bills that will affect everyone all across the land. Why did he find it most important to make one of his very first priorities to fund abortions worldwide? I will always love this country, but I think that Christians will be in for a battle like we've never seen before.

Something I'm thinking about...I'd better quit writing because I'm going to get myself in trouble. :)

PRAY

Please pray for this lady. I have read her blog since she found out she was pregnant. They had no clue that anything was wrong with her sweet baby girl Harper. She was born tonight and has been flown to another hospital. Please lift her up in your prayers.

I Needed This

One of my favorite bloggers has posted a video on her blog giving us four different ways to tie a scarf. I had no idea how wrong I have been doing it. Well, they are all very cute and Big Mama is always very entertaining. We both have the same name. No, not Big Mama. Although I would be more fitting to have that title on my blog than she is. Her name is Melanie too. I think we would be great friends. :) Oh, by the way, Holly, this is also a shout out to you and Chris. :0

Isn't this cute?

What was your favorite Christmas present? My husband, Jeff(not to be confused with my other husbands) got me this beautiful necklace. I just wanted to share it with everyone. I think it is a beautiful reminder of the 5 children that God has blessed me with. I think it is possibly my favorite gift that I have ever gotten. Sorry, Mom, the luggage you and Dad got me my Senior year came in a close second. :) What was your favorite gift this year?

Oops, I just realized how dusty my desk is! Hey, I've blogged two days in a row. What do you expect?

6th Folder, 6th Picture, Sort of...

My friend Paige asked anyone who reads her blog to post the 6th picture in your 6th folder on your computer pictures. Well, I had to break the rules a little bit. My 6th folder only had 5 pictures in it, so we went with 7th folder, 6th picture. I would have gone with the 6th folder, 5th picture but it was a lovely shot taken by Luke of Yours Truly. And then I would have to quit writing out of sheer embarrassment. So, I present to you, 7th folder, 6th picture, Sam. This was right after his latest surgery. He is such a little trooper. He has been through 7 surgeries and has bounced right back from each of them. He is doing amazing. I cannot believe how much better he is talking over the past month or so. This picture just about sums him up. He has been through many hardships, but he usually has this big grin on his face. I love him so much!!!

I think I'm Going to Try This Blogging Thing Once Again!:)

I just can't seem to get back into the swing of things. Our family had a great Christmas together. But, it has been hard to say the least. My heart aches for my baby. Yes, I've been blessed beyond measure with four babies on this side of Heaven, but I want Drew back. I wonder if I'll ever go more than a few minutes without losing my breath when I am reminded that he died. I am reminded when I see pregnant ladies in the mall, a mom holding her baby, when I get that email newsletter that I can't seem to block always stating, "this week in your baby's development", every time I look at my boys, etc... No matter what I do, I don't understand death. It scars us, leaving us permanently disfigured as we walk through this life. I can still go through this life happy but I'll never have the carefree feeling that I once had. Death has touched me and I'll never be the same. I appreciate so much each of your prayers. I know that they are what get me through each and every day.Sometimes when I am so overwhelmed and I feel as if my heart will completely break from crying, He gives me strength to press forward. I am certain that it is because of my friends and familys' prayers.

A Great Investment!

This past Friday, Jeff and I hit the sales. We went to quite a few stores starting at 3:30am. It was alot of fun to be out in the middle of the night while the kids stayed with their grandparents. We grabbed us some coffee and made mad dashes for presents for our family and friends. We scored some great deals. One thing I noticed in the Walmart flyer was this vacuum. Jeff's sister headed to Walmart that morning and I asked her to pick us up one. It was only $9.00. I'm telling you, if you have small kids, this is a great thing to buy. My kids have been vacuuming my house all day. While the suction on it is not as good as a heavier vacuum, it sill works pretty well, especially on bathroom floors and hardwoods. My kids loved it so much, I had to go buy another one for a Christmas present. It would make a great gift for a child that likes to help. They come in lots of cute colors, too. Buy one for each of your kids and I promise they'll love to help with vacuuming. Now, that's my kind of Christmas gift.

A Couple of Projects

I love reading this blog! She gives so many ideas on how to decorate on a budget. I love it! It's so much more fun to decorate your house with stuff from yard sales, thrift stores, and clearance racks. I mean, anyone can go to Pottery Barn and buy stuff from their catalog, but who wants to be anyone? :) Well, I took a few of her ideas and this is what I came up with. This is a garland of fabric and ribbons that I used for Susanna's room. The only thing that I bought was the wooden letter S at Michaels for $2.49. For the fabric, I went through some of her old clothes that had the same colors in it that we were using and cut them into strips. We had a good time putting this together.

Just recently she gave tips on how to make a garland for your fireplace. Mine is not nearly as cute as hers but is an improvement from last year. Well, that's not saying much, because I didn't have one last year. :) Baby steps, right?

I didn't have enough garland to make mine as full as hers. I could go and buy some but that would defeat the purpose. Check her blog out. She will be showing everyone how to make a wreath next week.

Our New Family Pet

Well, actually, this is my hair that my sister cut out. I am blessed by being able to have my sister Katie as my hairdresser. Not only do I get great deals on haircuts and highlights but she gets to experiment on my hair. That may be a curse, the jury is still out. Katie informed me that my hair was the thickest that she has ever cut. Am I bragging? Not in the least! What is the deal with everyone wanting thick hair? There are products for making your hair thicker and fuller every where you look. What I'm looking for is a product that makes your hair look thinner! Does it exist? My hair grows as the day goes on. You know, kind of like a Chia Pet. Well, Katie decided that she was going to "thin it out like crazy." This is the hair that was on the floor before she even cut any length off it. I wanted to find some wiggly eyes to put on it. It was a scary sight. But, I must say, that I like having thin hair. All of you with thin hair, quit your whining! It is so much better! :)

Pray, Pray, Pray

I have added a link to the side of my blog about praying for our children. It is the sweetest thing that I have seen. Please check it out for ways to pray for your child, your grandchildren, etc.. My Mom also gave me a list of things to pray for when praying for them. She and Gene use it as they pray for their 14 grandchildren. Here are some ideas:

Spiritual:
1. Salvation
2. Love His Word
3. Desire to Learn Word
4. Obedient to Word
5. Witnesses
6. Soul winner
7.Prayerful
8. Sensitive Spirit toward God
9. Contrite Heart toward sin in their lives
10. Mission Minded
11. Humility
12. Purity
13. Buoyant Spirit
14. Faith
15. Faithfulness
16. Thankful
17. Spiritual Songs in their Heart
18. Bold
19. Wise all around
20. Listens to Godly Instruction
21. Responsible to God

Mental
1. Choose and enjoy good reading material
2. Memorizes Scripture
3. Logical thinking
4. Desires to learn new things
5. Learns from mistakes of others
6. Ability to organize
7. Disciplined mind
8. Curious/creative
9. Proper Priorities
10. Learn to handle Money wisely
11. Initiative to DO
12. Common Sense :)
13. Loves instruction
14. Appreciates good criticism

Emotional

1. Compassion
2. Forgiving
3. Unconditional love for family and others
4. Able to show Love
5. Self control
6. Stability in mind
7. Submission
8. Accepts Discipline
9. Thoughtfulness
10. Thankfulness
11. Honesty
12. Healing of emotional hurts
13. Meekness
14. Flexibility
15. Accepts others as they are
16. Patience
17. Contentment
18. Truthful

Physical

1. Strong
2. Heals quickly
3. Sticktoitiveness :)
4. Desire to eat healthy foods:)
5. Enjoys wholesome hobbies
6. Safe, proper competitive spirit
7. Endurance
8. Self Control
9. Not afraid of work
10. Hard worker
11. Dependable
12. Punctual
13. Accepts personal appearance (that which cannot be changed)
14. Affectionate
15. Cleanliness

Social

1. Hospitable, Friendly
2. Loyal to what is right
3. Wholesome friends
4. Quality people who will guide them
5. Able to reach out to help others
6. Able to share Gospel clearly
7. Able to choose good friends Prov. 13:20
8. Mate- saved and desires to be obedient to the Lord
9. Keeps his testimony clean
10. Selfless
11. Fair with others
12. Generous but thrifty
13. Individuality
14. High standards for self

I love this list. It gives me direction in what to pray for my children as well as how I need to train them. Many of the things that I know my children need to work on are ones that I need to also. Isn't that how it usually works? I had to laugh at the one that says "selects good reading material". We had an issue with this last week. Luke brought home a reading book that I would not read to him. It had to do with Halloween in an aspect that we clearly do not agree with. It just had a lot of creepy pictures. It turned out to be a great discussion. I explained to him that he is to make good choices when he selects books. He knew that it was not a good choice. He returned it to his teacher. While I was at his school for his Fall Party, she came and told me that she totally agreed with my decision about the book. She even told Luke that he should probably not pick that one. She let me know that in the future she would watch out for this and that we were on the same page. Yea! Now, Luke is very alert to picking out books and making good decisions.

Grace

We have been so busy since Sam's surgery. Now with having most of our family out of town, we have had company staying with us about every other weekend. Andrew's headstone came in and I have yet to go see it. The finality of it all seems to overwhelm me at times. I do ask for your prayers. I know that guilt has no benefit for me, but I am filled with it. Somedays, I cannot get out of bed, and I feel guilty because I have other children to care for. Other days, I function normally. I laugh, I shop, I clean, I play. Then, I cry because I functioned normally and I wonder if I am forgetting about Drew. As we approach the holidays, I miss him even more. I had imagined this Thanksgiving taking Drew to Florida to show him off to our family, hanging 5 stockings up, watching Drew play with his brand new cousins, Annie and Davis. I know all of the right answers to all of these issues that I struggle with, yet I sometimes fail to apply them to my own life. Thank you all for your continued prayer. Hardly a day has gone by that I have not received encouragement of some kind and I'm so thankful. Thank you for mentioning Drew by his name or asking me about him. Thank you for acknowledging his life, even if it makes me cry. Please don't feel bad if you do and I cry. I'd so much rather talk about him than ignore what happened.
Some have asked me what happened or what were the events leading up to his death. I have written in my journal about everything yet have been unable to share with everyone.
While I was 32 weeks pregnant, I was experiencing some pretty sharp pains in my side. I knew that it was not labor but something that I had never felt before. It was not the usual uncomfortableness that one experiences during pregnancy. It hurt! I called my Dr. and insisted that I come in that day. I went in, he told me that I was just experiencing contractions. He checked for a heartbeat and it was normal. Fast forward two days later. My oldest daughter was being baptized that night at church. It was such an exciting event for our family. I remember during the service waiting for Drew to kick. He just seemed less active that day. Much to my relief, he had an active spurt that night before I fell asleep. I just reassured myself that his living quarters were getting quite cramped and that his movements were normally slowing down. I felt that I could not keep calling the Dr. for every little issue. The next night, I told Jeff that I could not feel Drew move. I knew all of the right things to do such as eat a snack, lay on your side, etc... I did all of them. I put a call in to the Dr., and they reassured me that everything was ok, and to keep trying to get him to move. Still no movement. I remember just crying and praying throughout the night. The Dr. told me to come in in the morning. Jeff reassured me that everything was going to be ok and I rushed to the doctors. I drove myself up to the office and I remember signing my name in, then sitting on those couches crying as I waited for them to call my name. Why didn't I just barge in and demand help? I don't know? So many questions... After what seemed to be forever the nurse came and got me. She put the Doppler on my stomach as she waited to hear his heartbeat. I thought I heard something, but she said it was my own heartbeat. I began to cry, knowing that he was gone. She began to press painfully on my stomach as she searched frantically for it. Still no heartbeat. She asked me to go to the ultrasound room to check on him there. I don't remember walking to that room. The sonographer turned the screen to herself as she scanned my stomach. I cried the whole time. I knew. She then said how sorry she was and that the baby had no heartbeat. My heart broke in that instant. I had to call Jeff and tell him and then call my Mom. They escorted me to a private room and I waited there for Jeff. I remember thinking that this was not something that I could handle. Hadn't God promised that He would not give us more than we can bear? I was still grieving the loss of my Dad and the thought of burying my baby was too much. At that time. You know, as much as I knew that I could not handle it, He knew I could. Well, looking back, God's love filled me that day yet I wasn't so sure at that time. The Doctor met with Jeff and I in order to make decisions as far as when we should induce labor. They then escorted me to the maternity ward in a back room used for this very purpose. They put a tear drop on my door so all workers would know that this was not a live baby being delivered. No big blue ribbon, just a tear drop. My family was all spread out at the time but were all there by my side in no time at all. My sister that lives in Miami was there with her own newborn by that afternoon. I remember telling them that I did not "feel" God's love at that time. My heart did not feel comforted as I have heard many other people speak about. It just felt broke. No one told me that God was in control or anything. They just listened and that is what I needed. God listened too. I knew He was in control, but that didn't mean that it hurt less. I was reminded that God lost His Son too. He knew. I prayed that God would miraculously breathe life into him as he was born. Yet, He did not. I don't know why. I may never know. I do know that I treasure my children even more. I hurt more for other people. I yearn for Heaven. I feel a little closer to Him. Is it because I need Him now more than ever? Probably. Will I ever forget the grace that He has given me to survive each day? I hope not. I don't know what God has for us or why He let this happen. I may never know on this side of Heaven. What I do know is that He has sustained me thus far and will continue to do so. He will sustain you too. Most of the time not an overflow, but just enough to put one foot in front of the other. Then, You will look back and see that although you still hurt tremendously, His grace is indeed amazing. It's beyond what we even think possible. That I know.


My grandmother wrote this verse out for me:
"I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Is. 41:10b

Don't you just love that word"surely"? Not maybe, not probably. SURELY...