A Great Investment!

This past Friday, Jeff and I hit the sales. We went to quite a few stores starting at 3:30am. It was alot of fun to be out in the middle of the night while the kids stayed with their grandparents. We grabbed us some coffee and made mad dashes for presents for our family and friends. We scored some great deals. One thing I noticed in the Walmart flyer was this vacuum. Jeff's sister headed to Walmart that morning and I asked her to pick us up one. It was only $9.00. I'm telling you, if you have small kids, this is a great thing to buy. My kids have been vacuuming my house all day. While the suction on it is not as good as a heavier vacuum, it sill works pretty well, especially on bathroom floors and hardwoods. My kids loved it so much, I had to go buy another one for a Christmas present. It would make a great gift for a child that likes to help. They come in lots of cute colors, too. Buy one for each of your kids and I promise they'll love to help with vacuuming. Now, that's my kind of Christmas gift.

A Couple of Projects

I love reading this blog! She gives so many ideas on how to decorate on a budget. I love it! It's so much more fun to decorate your house with stuff from yard sales, thrift stores, and clearance racks. I mean, anyone can go to Pottery Barn and buy stuff from their catalog, but who wants to be anyone? :) Well, I took a few of her ideas and this is what I came up with. This is a garland of fabric and ribbons that I used for Susanna's room. The only thing that I bought was the wooden letter S at Michaels for $2.49. For the fabric, I went through some of her old clothes that had the same colors in it that we were using and cut them into strips. We had a good time putting this together.

Just recently she gave tips on how to make a garland for your fireplace. Mine is not nearly as cute as hers but is an improvement from last year. Well, that's not saying much, because I didn't have one last year. :) Baby steps, right?

I didn't have enough garland to make mine as full as hers. I could go and buy some but that would defeat the purpose. Check her blog out. She will be showing everyone how to make a wreath next week.

Our New Family Pet

Well, actually, this is my hair that my sister cut out. I am blessed by being able to have my sister Katie as my hairdresser. Not only do I get great deals on haircuts and highlights but she gets to experiment on my hair. That may be a curse, the jury is still out. Katie informed me that my hair was the thickest that she has ever cut. Am I bragging? Not in the least! What is the deal with everyone wanting thick hair? There are products for making your hair thicker and fuller every where you look. What I'm looking for is a product that makes your hair look thinner! Does it exist? My hair grows as the day goes on. You know, kind of like a Chia Pet. Well, Katie decided that she was going to "thin it out like crazy." This is the hair that was on the floor before she even cut any length off it. I wanted to find some wiggly eyes to put on it. It was a scary sight. But, I must say, that I like having thin hair. All of you with thin hair, quit your whining! It is so much better! :)

Pray, Pray, Pray

I have added a link to the side of my blog about praying for our children. It is the sweetest thing that I have seen. Please check it out for ways to pray for your child, your grandchildren, etc.. My Mom also gave me a list of things to pray for when praying for them. She and Gene use it as they pray for their 14 grandchildren. Here are some ideas:

Spiritual:
1. Salvation
2. Love His Word
3. Desire to Learn Word
4. Obedient to Word
5. Witnesses
6. Soul winner
7.Prayerful
8. Sensitive Spirit toward God
9. Contrite Heart toward sin in their lives
10. Mission Minded
11. Humility
12. Purity
13. Buoyant Spirit
14. Faith
15. Faithfulness
16. Thankful
17. Spiritual Songs in their Heart
18. Bold
19. Wise all around
20. Listens to Godly Instruction
21. Responsible to God

Mental
1. Choose and enjoy good reading material
2. Memorizes Scripture
3. Logical thinking
4. Desires to learn new things
5. Learns from mistakes of others
6. Ability to organize
7. Disciplined mind
8. Curious/creative
9. Proper Priorities
10. Learn to handle Money wisely
11. Initiative to DO
12. Common Sense :)
13. Loves instruction
14. Appreciates good criticism

Emotional

1. Compassion
2. Forgiving
3. Unconditional love for family and others
4. Able to show Love
5. Self control
6. Stability in mind
7. Submission
8. Accepts Discipline
9. Thoughtfulness
10. Thankfulness
11. Honesty
12. Healing of emotional hurts
13. Meekness
14. Flexibility
15. Accepts others as they are
16. Patience
17. Contentment
18. Truthful

Physical

1. Strong
2. Heals quickly
3. Sticktoitiveness :)
4. Desire to eat healthy foods:)
5. Enjoys wholesome hobbies
6. Safe, proper competitive spirit
7. Endurance
8. Self Control
9. Not afraid of work
10. Hard worker
11. Dependable
12. Punctual
13. Accepts personal appearance (that which cannot be changed)
14. Affectionate
15. Cleanliness

Social

1. Hospitable, Friendly
2. Loyal to what is right
3. Wholesome friends
4. Quality people who will guide them
5. Able to reach out to help others
6. Able to share Gospel clearly
7. Able to choose good friends Prov. 13:20
8. Mate- saved and desires to be obedient to the Lord
9. Keeps his testimony clean
10. Selfless
11. Fair with others
12. Generous but thrifty
13. Individuality
14. High standards for self

I love this list. It gives me direction in what to pray for my children as well as how I need to train them. Many of the things that I know my children need to work on are ones that I need to also. Isn't that how it usually works? I had to laugh at the one that says "selects good reading material". We had an issue with this last week. Luke brought home a reading book that I would not read to him. It had to do with Halloween in an aspect that we clearly do not agree with. It just had a lot of creepy pictures. It turned out to be a great discussion. I explained to him that he is to make good choices when he selects books. He knew that it was not a good choice. He returned it to his teacher. While I was at his school for his Fall Party, she came and told me that she totally agreed with my decision about the book. She even told Luke that he should probably not pick that one. She let me know that in the future she would watch out for this and that we were on the same page. Yea! Now, Luke is very alert to picking out books and making good decisions.

Grace

We have been so busy since Sam's surgery. Now with having most of our family out of town, we have had company staying with us about every other weekend. Andrew's headstone came in and I have yet to go see it. The finality of it all seems to overwhelm me at times. I do ask for your prayers. I know that guilt has no benefit for me, but I am filled with it. Somedays, I cannot get out of bed, and I feel guilty because I have other children to care for. Other days, I function normally. I laugh, I shop, I clean, I play. Then, I cry because I functioned normally and I wonder if I am forgetting about Drew. As we approach the holidays, I miss him even more. I had imagined this Thanksgiving taking Drew to Florida to show him off to our family, hanging 5 stockings up, watching Drew play with his brand new cousins, Annie and Davis. I know all of the right answers to all of these issues that I struggle with, yet I sometimes fail to apply them to my own life. Thank you all for your continued prayer. Hardly a day has gone by that I have not received encouragement of some kind and I'm so thankful. Thank you for mentioning Drew by his name or asking me about him. Thank you for acknowledging his life, even if it makes me cry. Please don't feel bad if you do and I cry. I'd so much rather talk about him than ignore what happened.
Some have asked me what happened or what were the events leading up to his death. I have written in my journal about everything yet have been unable to share with everyone.
While I was 32 weeks pregnant, I was experiencing some pretty sharp pains in my side. I knew that it was not labor but something that I had never felt before. It was not the usual uncomfortableness that one experiences during pregnancy. It hurt! I called my Dr. and insisted that I come in that day. I went in, he told me that I was just experiencing contractions. He checked for a heartbeat and it was normal. Fast forward two days later. My oldest daughter was being baptized that night at church. It was such an exciting event for our family. I remember during the service waiting for Drew to kick. He just seemed less active that day. Much to my relief, he had an active spurt that night before I fell asleep. I just reassured myself that his living quarters were getting quite cramped and that his movements were normally slowing down. I felt that I could not keep calling the Dr. for every little issue. The next night, I told Jeff that I could not feel Drew move. I knew all of the right things to do such as eat a snack, lay on your side, etc... I did all of them. I put a call in to the Dr., and they reassured me that everything was ok, and to keep trying to get him to move. Still no movement. I remember just crying and praying throughout the night. The Dr. told me to come in in the morning. Jeff reassured me that everything was going to be ok and I rushed to the doctors. I drove myself up to the office and I remember signing my name in, then sitting on those couches crying as I waited for them to call my name. Why didn't I just barge in and demand help? I don't know? So many questions... After what seemed to be forever the nurse came and got me. She put the Doppler on my stomach as she waited to hear his heartbeat. I thought I heard something, but she said it was my own heartbeat. I began to cry, knowing that he was gone. She began to press painfully on my stomach as she searched frantically for it. Still no heartbeat. She asked me to go to the ultrasound room to check on him there. I don't remember walking to that room. The sonographer turned the screen to herself as she scanned my stomach. I cried the whole time. I knew. She then said how sorry she was and that the baby had no heartbeat. My heart broke in that instant. I had to call Jeff and tell him and then call my Mom. They escorted me to a private room and I waited there for Jeff. I remember thinking that this was not something that I could handle. Hadn't God promised that He would not give us more than we can bear? I was still grieving the loss of my Dad and the thought of burying my baby was too much. At that time. You know, as much as I knew that I could not handle it, He knew I could. Well, looking back, God's love filled me that day yet I wasn't so sure at that time. The Doctor met with Jeff and I in order to make decisions as far as when we should induce labor. They then escorted me to the maternity ward in a back room used for this very purpose. They put a tear drop on my door so all workers would know that this was not a live baby being delivered. No big blue ribbon, just a tear drop. My family was all spread out at the time but were all there by my side in no time at all. My sister that lives in Miami was there with her own newborn by that afternoon. I remember telling them that I did not "feel" God's love at that time. My heart did not feel comforted as I have heard many other people speak about. It just felt broke. No one told me that God was in control or anything. They just listened and that is what I needed. God listened too. I knew He was in control, but that didn't mean that it hurt less. I was reminded that God lost His Son too. He knew. I prayed that God would miraculously breathe life into him as he was born. Yet, He did not. I don't know why. I may never know. I do know that I treasure my children even more. I hurt more for other people. I yearn for Heaven. I feel a little closer to Him. Is it because I need Him now more than ever? Probably. Will I ever forget the grace that He has given me to survive each day? I hope not. I don't know what God has for us or why He let this happen. I may never know on this side of Heaven. What I do know is that He has sustained me thus far and will continue to do so. He will sustain you too. Most of the time not an overflow, but just enough to put one foot in front of the other. Then, You will look back and see that although you still hurt tremendously, His grace is indeed amazing. It's beyond what we even think possible. That I know.


My grandmother wrote this verse out for me:
"I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Is. 41:10b

Don't you just love that word"surely"? Not maybe, not probably. SURELY...

Happy Birthday Susanna!

Updates and Pictures

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but we have been so busy as we have had school beginning, Sam's surgery, and lots of company. Sam's surgery went beautifully and I'm so excited to tell everyone that there is already a noticeable difference with his speech. For those of you who don't know me that well, Sam, my third child, was born with a cleft lip and palate. He is an amazing child and making the decision to have another surgery is never easy. I can't wait to post a picture of him that we took with our new camera. This past Saturday, we had a garage sale and used the money to buy a camera. Our old one waited to take the picture until after the kids had long left the scene. For my kids, we need a fast one. You know what I mean???
Speaking of pictures, my friend Kristen took some family pictures for us a couple of weeks ago. They turned out really well and I'm thrilled to have some candid shots of the kids, rather than the typical poses. If you live in this area, give her a call. She does great work, and if she got all four of my kids to look at the camera at the same time, well, that is just simply amazing. For a peek at these, you can go here.
Thank you for your continued prayers. I feel as though I am stuck between grief and learning how to function again. The new Normal... Some days are hard to get out of bed and other days, I am able to more easily. My blogger friend, Angie Smith, wrote a post about women who have lost babies through infant death, stillbirths, and miscarriages. She asked everyone who has ever experienced the loss of a baby to comment on her blog. I was amazed and somewhat comforted to read about other women and their struggles. God bless each and everyone of them on this day of recognition. Today is the National Day Of Remembrance for all of these women. I wish that I could tell you how God has become even more real to me as I am dealing with this immense pain.
Lastly, today is my daughter, Susanna's birthday. She is seven!!! My how time flies! I have learned through the loss of Andrew how extremely precious life is. I am so thankful to have been blessed with a girl with such a sweet and tender heart. She is the boys' second mother. I love you Susanna and I couldn't be prouder of you. May you walk with the Lord everyday of your life. Know that He has made you beautiful inside and out. I love you!

My Beautiful Boy

A poem for my Baby Drew

Today is the day I expected you to be born
Yet today I expect to visit your grave.

Today is the day I prepared our nursery for
Yet today I begin to put away the those bittersweet memories.

Today is the day I longed for
Yet today I have dreaded.

Today is the day I expected to beg my doctor to induce labor
Yet today I will see him for a post-partum appointment.

Today is the day I expected to be most joyful
Yet today I am mostly sad.

Today is the day that I would likely celebrate your birthday
Yet today I remember your death.

Today is the day I've prepared for by buying you new clothes
Yet today they hang in the closet, painful reminders of what was supposed to be.

Today is the day I expected to share our home with visitors,
Yet today the house is painfully silent.

Today we were going to have our family picture made
Yet today there are none to be found.

Today was to begin all the tomorrows with you,
Yet all I think about are the yesterdays.

"With the Lord, one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day."

II Peter 3:8

Yesterday my arms were empty

Tomorrow I will hold you.

Yesterday I missed you terribly

Tomorrow I will never be apart from you.

Yesterday was filled with pain

Tomorrow there will be no tears.

Yesterday our family was fragmented

Tomorrow our family will be whole again.

Yesterday we could not make sense of this tragedy

Tomorrow we will understand.

Yesterday we questioned God's goodness

Tomorrow we will worship Him together.

Yesterday you spent with Jesus

Tomorrow we will join you.

Baby, until tomorrow...

Please Pray...

When Drew was born, we had a photographer take pictures of him and us. Jeff and I have misplaced her card and we are desperate to see those pictures. Please pray that we find her as she told us to contact her for them after 6 weeks. We just want to see them so badly, This week has been very difficult for me. I just miss the baby that should be here so terribly. As my due date approaches, it seems surreal that he won't be here with us. Mornings seem to be the hardest as I often wake up thinking that I'm still pregnant. Then, realizing that I need to get through another day seems so overwhelming. Looking at my own children makes me so sad. I just think about which one he would have been most like. I know that one day this pain won't be so bad, but I also know that a piece of me will always be gone. Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Amazing Love

I just wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support for my family. I have learned so much through your reaching out to our family. I don't want to stand on the sidelines as someone I know is hurting anymore. You have laughed with me and cried with me when I needed a listening ear. You have truly been friends that "mourn with those that mourn" . I am so blessed and not a day has gone by that I haven't been encouraged or comforted by a friend or family member. We have received cards, phone calls, meals, house cleaning service (bless your heart whoever did that one), our yard mowed, babysitting, received books, received money to help pay for the funeral expenses, photography services, and much more. Thank you all for helping us cope as we make it through each day.
Just this past week, I felt that my blog was too getting too depressing. People were telling me that they cried every time that they read it. My purpose of writing was not to stir an emotion but as a way to help me deal with this pain that I am facing. I seem to write when ever I am the most down and I could see that in my writing. So, I was going to write and tell you that we do laugh everyday, we smile, we enjoy life as much as we cry. There are even times that we laugh hysterically. But just as I was going to post about this, I felt a huge wave of despair run over me. Last week was by far the hardest, darkest week I have ever felt or experienced. I could not function. Looking back, I don't know how I got through it. I felt oppression like I have never felt before. Panic and fear were my new best friends. I was crippled and in my bed most of the time. It was more debilitating than the grief itself. It was a darkness that hung over me and would not leave. A new low in my life had been faced and felt to be permanent. Then, just a quiet rush of strength came my way, God had came to my rescue and His love has been felt like never before. I am convinced that I will always cherish His presence more than ever because of what was experienced. His love is way more than I deserve and He is my true source of joy. I don't know if I will face more days like last week, but if I do, I will look back at what He has lead me through already.His grace truly is sufficient and perfect. Thank you for your prayers as I am convinced more than ever that they saw me through last week.
I hope to share some highlights of this week as I have been able to have my Mom and sister in town. They have come to my rescue. Thank you both so much!

Questions

Dear Father,

Today, my grief is washing over me. I know that you say that we will never be given more than we can handle. Today, I'm not so sure. I want so desperately to hold Andrew again. I want to touch his blond hair and remind myself of all of his sweet features. I'm so afraid that I will forget what he looked like. I want to go get him. I want to scream at the doctors and find someone to blame for all of this. It makes me feel less of the guilt that I feel . Was it the long car ride that I had just taken? The warm bath? I just want to know if he struggled in me to breathe or did You take him quickly? I can't bear to see my daughter crying anymore. I don't know what to tell her because I don't understand myself. I walked in her room today and she was crying with the little bear that was on Andrew's casket. She didn't want me to see her crying because she knew I would cry. She hurts so much and I cannot bear to see her in such pain. How am I supposed to respond when my little boy points to my stomach several times a day and says, Baby Drew, all gone? What do I do with my time? I don't even know what to do anymore. You do promise to be faithful. Lord, please help us as we try to understand all of this. We need you. We so desperately need you.

Sigh of Relief...

Today was a big day for Susanna. She started the first grade at a new school . I have been so worried about her and desperately wanted her to have a great day. Jeff and I were not able to keep her at the school that she was attending because of the cost of sending her and her brother there. So, we have been praying that God would surround our kids with great teachers and wonderful friends. I even bargained with the Lord last night. I was feeling so overwhelmed with panic. I am told that grieving will do this. If you have ever faced death, you will know how afraid you become of everything. I have been checking on all of my kids and my husband multiple times in the night just to make sure that they are breathing. I know, I sound like a crazy person. As I was up last night, I just asked the Lord to confirm this decision that we had made about Susie and Luke's school. (Luke doesn't start until Thursday.) I begged Him to please help Susanna have a special friend at this new school. She needs this. Well, Susanna came running out to the car and her mouth was running a mile a minute. She said that her friend from her preschool was in her class! This is a friend whose family I have always kind of admired from afar. They have, I think, 8 kids in their family. AND the Mom always has her hair done! Can you imagine? I am so thankful that she had a great day. Now, I just to have to get through Luke's first day on Thursday.
My heart was comforted today after reading this blog. She is the daughter-in-law of John Piper. Last year, she had a stillborn daughter in her 39th week of pregnancy. She just gave birth to a son, Morrow John Piper. They named him this from the verse,"Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning." She writes about the heartache that she has endured and is still enduring. Her prayer for her children was that they will all know God. She said that she realized that she will never have to pray that for her daughter. It has already been fulfilled. It gave me some comfort today. I didn't want it that way, but I cannot ask for more than that.

"For where your treasure is...

On Saturday, August 9th, our family had a little service for my precious Andrew. It was a beautiful day and we were surrounded by so many loved ones. I am so thankful for the service that we were able to have for him and I felt that it honored his very short life. While I was in the hospital, I was blessed to have the most amazing and compassionate nurse. She was with us all three days and we are so thankful for all the help that she gave to us. Two things she told us to do was to make sure that we held him for as long as we would like to and to make sure that we had a service for him. It was hard to plan a service for a baby of ours, but it did make us feel like we were his parents as we made these decisions. She also wanted to make sure that we took pictures of our Drew and of the service. We would never have thought about that at that time. I am so thankful for the pictures that we do have and we will always have of our baby. We were so blessed to have a ministry called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep take the pictures of Baby Drew at the hospital. Then, a friend of mine, Kristen Presley, took beautiful pictures of the funeral. Thank you Kristen for doing this for us. We will always treasure these pictures. I wanted to share a few of them. I was really hesitant about doing pictures of the funeral but realized that we only have so few memories of him that we wanted to document everything.

We were so blessed to have our Pastor (Chris Brown) and Gene lead our service.

This is a picture that I love. Susanna and Luke wrote Andrew little letters that were attatched to the balloons. Eli still talks about his balloon and that it is with Baby Drew. Luke's balloon got stuck in a tree for a few moments and we all held our breath. Then, the wind blew, or I like to think that God blew, and it went up into the sky.
A verse that was shared with Jeff and I as we waited for Andrew to be born was Matthew 6:21,"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." This is a verse that we have claimed during this time. Our treasure is not this earth and the things that will soon be destroyed. Jesus is our treasure. And now Andrew...

So many times I find myself wondering if I should take certain people meals or send a card when they are hurting. I do sometimes and other times, I convince myself that I don't know them well enough to send them something. And I was wrong for thinking that... Jeff and I have been so blessed by the words of comfort and encouragement that have been sent our way. The ones from the people that we don't know so well mean so much to us. Why? Because they prove to us over and over that God is moving on our behalf when we feel so down. It tells us that God still cares and He's going to help us through this. He's even moving strangers to pray for us. He is good...

I have to remind myself of that lately. I'll have to admit that it is a struggle to say that my God is good sometimes. I still don't understand why but I will know one day. I am certain. I am reminded in different ways everyday. Yesterday, I went to the Drs. to go over the findings of why Drew passed away. We found out that it was the cord that had kinked multiple times. It was a hard day. Yesterday, I doubted His goodness. I came home and began to write on my blog. Susanna, my oldest, came in the room, and saw me crying. She put her arms around me and told me that she loved me. Then, she asked me how many more days until Drew would have been born. You see, she used to check my blog everyday for the countdown that is on the side and would announce to all of us how much longer we had until he was here with us. When I showed her the number, she began to cry. We held each other and cried for the life that was lost. She knows he's in Heaven, but she was so anxious for a baby to be in the house again. And in that moment, I was reminded once again that He is good.

He Is Good

I don't know yet what to do with this blog. I have been told that it helps to write as you deal with grief. So, for now, I will write about this journey that I never thought that I would be on. First of all, I have to thank all of my family and friends for your outpouring of love and support for our family. We are so blessed to have each of you in our lives. Please do not quit praying for us. We have heard and are learning that losing a child puts a tremendous amount of strain on a family. We want desperately to see His name lifted up through all of this. We are so weak. Pray that God does a mighty work through our lives as we go through this valley.
Yesterday, Jeff and I went to the grave. I had such mixed emotions about going there. I thought that it might be too painful and feared that, without the headstone, it would not seem special enough for my son. I kept getting angry that I was being swarmed by mosquitoes. Questions began to swirl in my mind. Couldn't God just allow us to grieve without getting bit up? I began to think about the awful labor and then the surgery/ Couldn't God have made it an easy delivery with no complications, instead of the hardest one I have ever been through? Then, why did He allow me to get pregnant just to take him away? Why does God allow my body to remind me that there is supposed to be a baby here? Couldn't He have taken care of that, too? Does He even care? Just as soon as I begin to question His love, guilt sweeps over me. How can I doubt my God's love when I have four beautiful children? How can I think that He has given me more than I can bear? I am breathing. His mercy and compassion have not failed me. He has sustained me this far and will give me the strength to get through this day. He is good. He is good.

Our Baby Drew

My dear precious Andrew,

You are missed beyond measure. I cannot understand why you are no longer here with us. My mind cannot grasp the fact that I will not hold you again on this earth. Why did God take you from us? You were so perfect and I cannot imagine a baby that would have been loved anymore than you. Today, baby, I will just pray that God will give me the mercy to make it through. I love you with all of my heart. Your brother Luke probably understood more than I did the day you were born. He just wanted to keep touching you. Although he was crying, he said, "Mom, we miss him so much, don't we?" He knew that even though we were holding you, that you were with Jesus. It does bring comfort to us in knowing that Heaven is your only home. It is all you will ever know. I know that one day everything will be clear as to why He chose you to be with Him. I just wish it were now. You were loved from the moment we knew we had you and we long for the day that we can have you in our arms again.
Love,
Your Mommy

Help!

I need a new name for this blog before the baby comes? Any ideas?

SuperNanny...Help!!!

This picture has become all too familiar lately. This is Eli in our bed. He has been getting so spoiled. See, lately, when we put him to bed, he begins screaming,"Bad guys scare me!" I feel so terrible that he is scared and I go get him. Jeff will put him in his bed once he falls asleep. I need to get him back to sleeping in his bed through out the night before the baby comes. Now, if I could just muster up the energy to fight him on this. So, I'm putting in a call to Miss Jo Frost. But, he is cute, isn't he? Oh , and not to mention that he is 2 and still has a bottle by his side. How did I become such a softie?

What We're Doing...

Today, Mom and Gene came home. I have missed having Mom home so much. It just seems so weird to no longer have Mom or Dad around anymore. Not quite how I pictured it. But we are so glad that they are here for a few short days. I was also feeling bad that I would not be able to see Holly's baby and Jeff told me to go see her. I didn't think that it would work out, but everything has just fallen into place. Jeff is going to keep the youngest 2 and I am taking the older 2 to Miami. We are driving and Mom is coming with us. I can't wait to get down there and see our newest addition to the family. Anyways, we will probably be busy all week as we prepare for our trip as well as get Mom's house cleaned out. Please pray for me. It's a bit sad as she packs away everything. I'm going to try and post some picture really soon as well as update this more regularly.

I've Been Tagged

A friend from high school, Kristin, tagged me so here it goes:



What was I doing 10 years ago

Actually, I was working about 3 jobs to pay off some of my college bills. I was home from the summer, wondering if I should return to the small Christian college that I had been attending.I decided not to go back up until the night after college had started again. The Lord had woken me up from my sleep and told me that I needed to go back. Although I had no desire to go back and was sure that it would not work out since the semester had already begun, I woke my mom and dad up and told them I had to go back. I thought that my Mom would be so angry with me for not having made this decision earlier. But, she said, " I know, God told me this too. We'll call in the morning and then I'll drive you there." Everything worked out, I met some of my best friends that year and met a cute new transfer, Jeff. We were married a year and a half later.


My favorite snacks
Homemade salsa and chips, by far! Oh and Blue Bell Banana Pudding Ice Cream! It's a pregnancy thing...I hope! Or I will have an even harder time getting the weight off. It's delicious.

5 things on my to-do list today

1. Go to the pool with the kids
2. Feed my Mom's dog at her house
3. Exercise...I'll cross that one off after going to the pool. Chasing the kids around is quite a work out. You'd think I'd be a skinny little thing, wouldn't you?
4. Go to the grocery store
5. Clean my house... Now, that's wishful thinking.



Things I would do if I were a Billionaire
Tithe, pay off all debts as well as all of our familys' debts and I think that would about cover it! We have a big family!:)


5 jobs I've had

1. Taught swim lessons
2. Cashier
3. Lifeguard
4. Elementary Teacher
5. Middle School Teacher


5 places I've lived

1. Cincinatti, Ohio
2. Charlotte NC
3. Clearwater Fl
4. Indian Trail NC
5. Stallings NC



5 random things people wouldn't know about me

1. I love to go to yard sales. Susanna and I go all of the time. It's our time together. We always finish the morning off with a Chick-Fil-A biscuit.
2. I am a homebody. I like to travel for a day or two, but always enjoy "being home".
3. I love to play cards. I think it is so fun to play with friends and family. And win.
4. I cannot take oral liquid medicine. I think that if it were up to taking it or dying, I'd have to tell everyone I love them and will see them soon. Maybe not that extreme, but I will gag and gag.
5. I get a kick out of playing pranks on people. Yes. Still. Do. I know, it's time to grow up, but they are so fun. I even have one up my sleeve right now. It's payback for a prank that was played on us at Christmas time. It involved 2 light up reindeer in our yard and that's all I will say. Maybe I'll post a picture of the payback scene.



5 cd's I'd have to have with me on a deserted island :

Any Hillsong Cd
Cece Winans... reminds me of my Dad
Hillsong for kids...It's what I'm used to hearing
Chris Tomlin
Roy D Mercer...Don't ask...My brother in law, Tim, got us hooked on these. They will crack you up. I guess it's that prank thing again.




I tag Tina and Angie... They are the only ones I know that blog that haven't been tagged. And that's if you count Angie, she hasn't blogged in about a year.:)

Dance to Jesus

I cannot say enough about how neat Susanna's dance recital was. Susanna has wanted to do dance for so long. I had considered it and thought that it may be a great way to instill in her confidence and gracefulness. Last year, Jeff and I went to sign her up at a local studio. But, as soon as we walked in a few little girls were walking out acting and dressed in a way that we were pretty uncomfortable about. We had told her that it was probably not going to be something she would be able to do. Earlier this year, we had heard that a friend of ours had opened her own dance and art studio. It's called Masterpiece Studios. The verse that they got their name from is Ephesians 2:10 which says,
"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago."
Isn't that great?

You would not have seen a more beautiful sight than seeing all of the girls dancing to "Come to Jesus". It made me cry. I, like the owner of this studio, grew up hearing about how terrible dancing was. But, this was the most worshipful and exciting thing I have seen in a long time. They did some fun songs too, but the whole night was centered around God. It's so great to have found such a great place for Susanna to learn dance. Oh, and let me say, she surprised the socks off of me. I thought that she would be shy, but she really got into it. She looked beautiful and made Jeff and I both wonder where she got her rhythm from. It definitely was not from us.

Now, if we could just find a soccer league like this...

Susanna's Recital

Kindergarten Graduation...My Beautiful Girl!

Susanna has finished Kindergarten! It was a wonderful celebration of a great school year. Susanna was valedictorian of her class. I'm just kidding. She did do great though. First grade, here she comes. Something funny... Susanna was reading this as I typed it and asked me what a valedictorian was. I told her that it was the smartest person in the class. She then informed me,"Mom, there were 2 other girls with me in our reading group,too!" :D But their moms aren't writing this blog!

One more... Works For Me!!!

It's no secret that the Magic Eraser is a great product. I have found so many great uses for this little white miracle. I even found a website listing a ton of different ways that you can use the Magic Eraser. My favorite discovery is using it in the shower. No, I don't use it as a bath soap! I was trying to get the soap scum off of the door one day and tried everything. Then, I tried the Magic Eraser and it wiped away all of the scum and made the door look as good as new. I have done this many times with our house being on the market and it has worked every time. Try it! Did you know that it also will get nail polish off of your carpet? It will!

Works For Me! Monday

I don't have perfect carpet, but I can tell you that every stain that we have is from the previous owners of this house. This is definitely not because I am a cleaning fanatic or that my kids are not allowed to breathe on the carpet. My carpet does not always look perfect but I can usually make it look pretty good. I was told about this stuff about a year ago and have loved it ever since. They sell Folex at Walmart. I hate Walmart but I still go there mainly to pick up a new bottle. Since we have had our house on the market for a few long months, we have gone through many of these bottles. If you have juice stains or any kind of marks on your carpet, this is a great remover and is by far the best one I have ever tried.

Family Updates

Well, I have been inspired once again to continue this blog by looking at how some friends do theirs. It is so easy to get discouraged with these. I don't want to offend people, come across as bragging, or come across as too negative when I share what is on my mind. Here is a quick rundown of happenings with the Robinson Family:

*** Sam will be going to Wake Forest on Tuesday. We will confer with several doctors on what is the best next step for him.
***Also on Tuesday, we will be finding out what sex our little one is. We are all so excited about this. I promised Susanna that I would either have a pink or blue ribbon tied to the car when I pick her up in car line. She has reminded me over and over to have my ribbons ready.
***On Wednesday, we will close on the house that we are buying. Woo hoo! It's a beautiful house and gives us a little more room for our ever expanding family. The best thing is that our payment will actually drop. We had decided one night to stop by this neighborhood and they were having a promotion with inventory houses. The promotion was the interest rate was 2.8 percent! What a blessing!
***Our house closes on May 16th. Please pray that everything goes smoothly. After we decided to put in new countertops, we received 2 offers almost immediately. Note to all potential sellers... If your countertops are a hideous green puke color, Change them! Run to Home Depot and don't look back. The investment will be well worth it.
***Jeff begins his new position this week. Pray that he will not be too stressed. He will be traveling alot in the next few weeks as he trains. Pray for us, too!
***My mom surprised us all and got married last week. I mean, we were expecting her to get married soon, but in May. She is married to a wonderful man named Gene. My kids love him and look forward to seeing him every time we go over there. He is a pastor from Nebraska. So, we may be losing Mom for a while. I don't know what we'll do without her around. Anyways, God has brought comfort to two broken hearted people and it has been so wonderful to see Mom with a new spark.

Well, as you can see, not much going around here! Ha!

Wednesday Night... Baskin Robbins!!!

This Wednesday night, from 5-10 pm, Baskin Robbins is offering ice cream scoops for 31 cents. It sounds like a great deal for our family and a great way to end the night. You just can't beat it! Hope to see you there!

Our Ultrasound

Yesterday, Jeff and I went down town for a Level 2 ultrasound. I guess we have to be intensely followed because we do have a child with a "birth defect". Well, our baby got its first pictures taken and everything was measured. I have such a hard time with this. They were not able to check for cleft lip yet but they did seem to check for everything else. Our risk for all defects is not any higher than anyone else's. Our chance of having a baby with a cleft lip is 2%. I do not see the point of going through this unnecessary worry. I also took a blood test and they will combine that result with the ultrasound, factor in my age, and then tell me the chance of having a child with down syndrome. They will say you have a 1 in 500 chance or a 1 in 10 chance. Are you kidding me? All of these tests just to give me a range of my chances. What is all of this for? I think I know. They hinted at the fact that many people will be able to know within a week, so that they can take the appropriate measures. I am 14 weeks and in the second trimester! It breaks my heart to think of all of the parents who make decisions with these results that cost a baby its life. We were able to see the baby sucking its thumb. We were told that we may find out what we were having, but we saw no visible proof to make a definite call.:) One funny thing was when the nurse told us that cleft lip is just a surgery and you're done. Jeff and I looked at each other and smiled. We know all too well that that this is not quite the truth, at least not in our case. We were told that when we found out Sam had a cleft lip and we partially believed it. Yes, we have learned so much through Sam and are still learning just how sufficient God's grace is to us. But, it wasn't and isn't easy. I hate that ultrasounds are not the exciting thing to me as they are to most people. I think too much of what may go wrong or what they could find. Most people go to them without giving it a second thought. Why can't I just go and not be nauseated the whole way there?

Easter Egg Fun

Hello? Are You Still There?

Well, today, I have decided that it is about time to start blogging more regularly once again. I have officially entered the 2nd trimester and am feeling so much better. This pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop. I have been the sickest that I have ever been while trying to take care of my kids and husband. I have not done too well balancing it out. Here are a few of my terrible tricks to get by:

1. Susanna and Sam have bought lunch every day or taken Lunchables to school. The thought of putting meat and cheese together in the morning was enough to make me sick.
2. Susanna has to do 20 minutes of reading a night to us. I lay with her in her bed as she reads me to sleep.
3. Jeff has taken the kids to school every morning that he is in town and usually picks Susanna up too. I don't even know if her teacher would recognize me.:)
4. Instead of spending the time to discipline Susanna on what she chooses to eat in her lunch that I rarely packed, I put notes in it that read, "Eat your apple or else!" Love , Mom
5. Luke likes to play catch at night with a little football. So, being the super mom that I am, as I lay on the couch, I instructed him on how it is so important to get it right to me. If he didn't, he would have to go get the ball. Yeah, that's embarrassing.
6. I did manage to get up and move some. We play on the trampoline alot. I lay down and they see how high they can bounce me. Hey, they think it's fun.
7. I am so thankful for the armoires that we have. They have served us well as places to stuff extra things when we have to show the house in a hurry. I always think that if they move around too much in the house, they will hear the sound of a mountain caving in. Maybe they have.

But... I am not too proud of my getting by skills. We have survived!!!! No one has been scarred too bad and we can get back to normal. Now, I've got to run to the store to get cash so that the tooth fairy can visit tonight and get Easter eggs so that the Easter bunny can also swing by. Who knew how much pressure a Mom has in making sure holidays go smoothly?

Birthdays

Do you ever feel like birthdays and holidays are taking over the year or quickly sending you to the poor house? I do and I am a little overwhelmed thinking about the 2 new ones that we will be celebrating this year. I mean, it seems as if it is always a holiday or a birthday to celebrate. Every time I turn around, I have either realized that I need to run to the store to get a present or that I've completely blown it and forgotten it. I'm just not good with them and am always giving belated gifts. The reason I am thinking about this is that today is my Dad's birthday. As much as I complain or feel overwhelmed with keeping up with all of the special days, I wish more than anything that we still had his to celebrate. We will still honor this day but it's not the same as celebrating it. I am so thankful for the lives that each birthday represents and am reminded today to cherish and appreciate them. Losing a birthday is such a hard thing to accept.

Dad, we miss you and love you so much! I cannot wait for the day we will all be celebrating together.

As I type this in the car on the way home from Birmingham, there is a huge rainbow in the sky. It is the most brilliant rainbow Jeff and I have ever seen. Thank you Lord, on this day of remembrance, for a sign of your promise of hope. I know that rainbow was for me.

I took a picture of it and will post it when I get home.

Susanna at Church

A few months ago, I had posted about a picture of Susanna from church. This is one of my favorite pictures. It was in the church office, but my brother in law, Chris, had copied it and showed it to us. I came across this picture today when I really needed to see it. The kids have been on their absolute worst behavior. All of them . I feel like a terrible failure. We have had to make some major adjustments as a family today. (This means new rules) We are cancelling cable and are severely limiting the computer and leapsters. They have seemed to take over their attitudes and their desires. And I have let them. I have let the TV babysit one too many times. Now, I am seeing the fruit of being a lazy parent. A coincidence that I saw this picture for the first time in awhile? I don't think so, but a gentle reminder of what I truly want my children's desires to be.

Quirkiness

There is a blog topic going around asking you to post 6 quirky things about yourself. I thought it sounded like fun:

1. I refuse to take any liquid medicine. I cannot do it without gagging. Just looking at the bottles sometimes makes me want to throw up. Jeff bought me some Noni Juice because he had heard that it helps with your thyroid. That stuff is the most revolting, disgusting drink that has ever touched these lips. You could not pay me a million bucks to drink it.

2. When I am alone in the car, I almost always break into a little song. I sing my heart out. I love the feeling of being free to sing and not care what it sounds like. By the way, there is a reason I only do this when I'm alone. I think only Jesus Himself could appreciate my singing.

3. My dream is to run an orphanage one day. I know I've got my own little expanding family, but this has been a desire that I have had since I was very young. I don't feel that now is the time, but maybe one day.

4. If my house is clean, I have to have a candle lit. I don't know why, they just seem to go together. Needless to say, we usually don't have the candles burning. But if you ever visit, and I've cleaned the house, there will be candles out.

5. I'm running out of quirky things. I am sure that my friends and family can come up with some. I just asked Jeff if he had any ideas. He said that my quirk is that I don't really have any. He's blind. I hate to have dishes in the sink. I can live with the house being a mess, but I cannot go to bed with dishes in the sink. Weird, huh?

6. As far as my pregnancy quirks go, so far, the only thing I really want to eat is Pintos and Cheese from Taco Bell. I had this for breakfast today. I bought several the other day. I have done this with almost all of my pregnancies. I never want them when I'm not pregnant. Just now...It is the only thing that makes me feel a little better when I'm extremely queasy.

Number 5 Is Alive

Well, we are having another baby. Jeff and I kept it a secret for a little over a week which is a record for us. We are so bad about not waiting for a while to tell everyone. We just can't keep quiet. My daughter said that she wasn't going to tell anyone until I had her so that it would be such a great surprise for everyone. Good luck with that. I think that she forgot that I get as big as a bus when I'm pregnant. The kids are all so excited. Susanna is for sure that this is a girl and has a name picked out for her. Me? I've begun thinking about boy's names. I'm pretty sure that is what we will be having. But, I'm running out of boys names. Oh well, we do have quite a bit of time.

Something Beautiful

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/viewmovie.html

My Mom had sent me this and I just wanted to share it.

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful:

1. that my kids all love to go to school. We'll see how long this lasts.

2. for the sun being out. It's amazes me about how much it energizes me.

3. for the small group that we are a part of. I love this group!

4, for being able to de-clutter my kitchen yesterday. It feels so much better.

5. that Luke kept his patch on all day at preschool.

6. for the way Sam lit up today when I arrived to pick him up at preschool. I love that.

7. for Jeff wrestling with the boys. It is so fun to watch.

8. for a group of friends to diet with. It makes it much more bearable and fun! Plus, the opportunity to win and the prize money is pretty enticing!

9. for spring vacation to look forward to.

Movie Monday

This is why I enjoy my days and really appreciate my nights...

Luke is still wearing his patch and Sam has to wear one now, too. We're a family of pirates, I tell ya!

We miss you, Dad!

Today marks the second anniversary of my Dad's death. Some days it seems like he's been gone for so long and other days it seems as though he were just here. If he only knew how many lives he touched while he was here. My dad was one of the most humble men you have ever met. He had no idea what an impact he had on people's lives. I am so proud to have been his daughter. I am assured that he impacted this city with the love of Jesus more than any famous politician or preacher ever will. People know me as David Dwyer's daughter and that is enough for me. It reminds me to enjoy every moment and that in every moment I can demonstrate the love of Jesus to others. Everywhere I go, people tell me how Dad was so kind to them or that he was such a great man. They always have a story of something that he did for them that was not expected. Did you know that anytime that someone had a complaint at his store, he would get a couple cartons of his favorite ice cream and deliver it to them at their house and tell them how sorry he was? He was a grocery store manager. I've never met any of the managers at the stores that I shop at. He knew every customer and they all knew about his kids. He was my hero. We all miss him so much. I keep thinking that eventually I won't cry every time that someone mentions his name to me, but I'm not there yet. Luke said that he was going to go find Heaven and bring Papa back. I have to admit that I often think that. If we could ,we would. I know, I know. He wouldn't want to if he could, but we would still try.:)Today, Susanna and I went to his grave. Susanna picked out hot pink flowers to put on it. She said he would have liked them. :) While we were there, I just kept thinking that if I could have just one more day to spend with him what would I tell him? I pray that everyone who reads this tells their family how much they love them whenever they get the chance. Cherish every moment!


I'm noticing how this blog is not flowing very well. Oh well, I'm tired,sad, and tired. See!

Christmas PJ pictures